Tag Archives: escalators

Blocking the Escalator

Go to any major city and observe how people move up and down the subway escalators. Both the up and down escalators are divided into two lanes. One lane is for the leisurely and feeble who stand stationary. The other one is the passing lane for the people who have somewhere to be or are impatient. They walk or run up the passing lane. Don’t block the moving lane. If you want to stand, stand on the designated standing side. Blocking the escalator during rush hour could get you killed, especially in New York. Don’t be that idiot blocking the escalator. Take your head out of your ass and pay attention to what everyone else is doing. And get the fuck out of my way.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Americans are lazy. Escalators are proof of that. We need moving stairs. Elevators make sense. In a skyscraper they are the fastest, most efficient way to move people and cargo to different floors. Handicapped people rely on them. But if you can walk, you can probably walk up stairs. Moving stairs are just a novelty that became a staple in shopping malls.

Department stores and businesses like escalators because they speed up consumer foot traffic. People walking up moving stairs get to the top faster than people walking up stationary stairs. The problem is with people who don’t walk up the escalator. That’s counter productive. They are lazy. And they stand stationary, side-by-side so I can’t get by.

I am always careful to make sure my shoelace doesn’t get sucked into the escalator. That would be a shitty way to go. At least you would become an urban legend… that’s a decent legacy.


Sometimes escalators break. And people walk over to them and grumble about how the escalator is broken and now they have to take the stairs. And then they walk over to the stairs. And they walk up the stairs grumbling about how they have to walk up the stairs. And I laugh at them because a broken escalator is stairs. They could have just walked up the broken escalator. But they would rather be stupid and complain. Americans are funny.

Critically Rated at 8/17

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