Tag Archives: nose

I Didn’t Mean to Stare

I work in a popular restaurant in a big city. That means I see people, lots of people. And some people have certain features that make them stand out. I served a lady the other day who was very pretty, but she had a mole on the tip of her nose, right smack in the middle of her schnoz. It was quite obvious and very distracting. I couldn’t help noticing and I tried to take her order like normal, but I’m sure she knew that I noticed her nose mole. She probably gets second looks all the time. I felt bad. I didn’t mean to stare. Sometimes I can’t help it. Sorry, mole nose lady. You’re a better person than me.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

mole-nose-nevus

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Filed under People I Feel Sorry For

Trimming Your Nose Hair

Trimming your nose hair is important. I’m only bringing this up because it’s easy to forget. One super long nose hair can be super distracting during a conversation. It’s hard to make eye contact when that thin nose eel is peeking out at me. You’ll remember to do it before a date or a night on the town, but it’s most important to do it before you go to the dentist. He’ll be up close and personal, both him and his assistant studying your facial features in detail, analyzing every flaw and long nose hair is definitely one. So get rid of it.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Random Rants

A Stubborn Booger

You are trying to act casual but you have a stubborn booger in your nose that refuses to budge. You’ve tried blowing your nose. You’ve tried picking your nose. Nothing works. You’ll give yourself a nosebleed before you remove that ball of nasal mucus. All you can do is hope that it isn’t visible. A stubborn booger is like a wedgie on your face. It’s not obvious to other people but it’s uncomfortable and it’s slowly driving you crazy.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Random Bloody Nose

Scientists can’t accurately predict earthquakes, and they often strike without warning and with devastating consequences. One of the few things worse than an experiencing an earthquake is experiencing a random bloody nose. You might be in the middle of a presentation, or stuck in traffic, or possibly on a date, when suddenly your nose feels slightly runny and you casually brush your nose with your hand and glance at your finger and see crimson. Your nose is bleeding and you don’t know why. And you’re totally unprepared without a tissue or a napkin or anything to stop the blood from leaking from your schnoz.

And people see you. And they think it’s weird that you have a random bloody nose. They assume you enjoy the smell of cocaine a bit too much. Maybe they think you can’t stop digging for gold. Either way you are blacklisted.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Random Rants