My girlfriend has a cute little dog with a big nasty habit. He likes to lick his butthole and then he tries to lick your face. I learned fairly quickly to rebuff his advances. I’ve often wondered why dogs are so eager to go down on themselves. They will lick and slobber all over their genitalia and poop chutes like the world is ending. Then they try desperately to make out with you. They know that it’s disgusting. They are just trying to prove to you that they are really in charge. They are in control. They have the power. That’s why they lick your face with a contaminated tongue. Nobody likes it when a dog licks its ass and then kisses your face. At least I hope that’s the case. I’m sure some people are into that sort of thing. If you fall into that category, please stay away from me and any dogs that I am affiliated with. And stay five hundred yards away from any pet store.
Critically Rated at 4/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
criticallyrated 
This is more scary than finding a spider in your shoe, when really dwelled upon!