The Kona Brewing Company is from Hawaii, and this is their most well known beer. It is a clear, light, golden color. Very crisp and refreshing taste, better than Budweiser and other common American style lagers. Look for it on tap or in glass bottles. This beer is a staple feature in their 12 bottle variety pack.
Critically Rated at 14/17
Filed under Drinks
Kona Brewing Co. from Hawaii presents this porter made with 100% Hawaiian Kona coffee. This is a seasonal brew. Americans love seasonal things. It’s a girl scout cookie mentality. Pipeline porter is a nice brown ale brewed with real coffee, a nice beer to have with dessert. If you see it on tap, you should try it. If you see it in a Kona 12 bottle multipack, you have to get it. Try this beer. There is more to beer than Budweiser. Live a little, and sip this beer.
Critically Rated at 13/17
Filed under Drinks
The forgotten paper currency. Thomas Jefferson is the featured president. They are pretty rare to find out in the real world. Not very practical, but they are cool to have. I give them out as tips when I have them, they usually appreciate it. This is the fifty cent piece of the paper currency. The sheer novelty of them makes them rate higher though.
Critically Rated at 12/17
Filed under Random Rants
Steven Spielberg has directed or produced some of the most iconic and influential films of the last half century: Jaws, Back to the Future, E.T., The Indiana Jones Trilogy, Hook, The Goonies, Saving Private Ryan, Schindler’s List…. All great films, but Jurassic Park is his masterpiece.
Every five to ten years a movie comes along that changes everything. It blends genres, it appeals to all ages, critics love it, audiences love it and above all else it makes movies fun again. Not just fun, magical, something that you watch and absorb and want to share and so you take your friends, your mom, your crush and you drag them out to sit in the dark and experience this event. Jurassic Park is the film that showed that computers could create realistic creatures, that showed virtually anything a director envisioned could be put on screen.
There are so many timeless moments in this movie. Dr. Grant pointing up at the Brachiosaurus and exclaiming, “It’s a dinosaur!” It was a dinosaur. I still think it’s a dinosaur. The music swells up and time stops, that sequence is stuck in your head forever. You don’t even have to have seen Jurassic Park and you know that scene. It is a staple of modern cinema; it symbolizes the transition to modern CG. There are many other great sequences, namely anything with the T-Rex. It doesn’t even matter that the ground in the T-Rex paddock suddenly drops fifty feet for dramatic effect. The Velociraptors were cunning and the kitchen sequence with the trapped kids freaked me out as a youngin’.
Jurassic Park brings up a lot of ethical questions. Is man justified in playing god? Jeff Goldblum as Dr. Ian Malcolm represents chaos theory and he blatantly states the film’s themes: “life finds a way” and “God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs.” (“Dinosaurs eat man, woman inherits the Earth.)
The CG was groundbreaking. It still holds up today. Sure it’s not 100% there, but it serves the story and the story makes the movie. Dinosaurs were cool again. More importantly, movies were fun again.
Critically Rated at 16/17.
Filed under Entertainment
This is the sequel to one of the best films of all time. And it is a mediocre sequel. The magic is gone. The thrill is gone. And you are stuck there, just going through the motions, hoping that something amazing will redeem this movie, but nothing does.
The problem lies with making Dr. Malcolm Reynolds the main character. He doesn’t care about dinosaurs. He doesn’t see their grace or how majestic they are. If your protagonist doesn’t care about what is happening, the audience wont give a fuck either.
Yeah, the CG is improved and you see more dinosaurs doing more things in more shots, but the story is so mediocre that the effects have no relevance. The first movie tackles ethical issues like man playing God. This movie tackles issues like a T-Rex destroying San Diego. This became a lame Godzilla movie. This first movie was all about how dinosaurs were animals, real creatures and how they don’t belong in the modern world. This sequel is about how dinosaurs are scary monsters. T-Rex running though San Diego doesn’t have the same impact emotionally as when the T-Rex chased the Jeep in the first one.
This is a rushed, hollow sequel. It cheapens everything about the first one. If you watch the behind the scenes material, you get the sense that the filmmakers knew that they were making an inferior product. Lazy, shoddy writing, with a few decent action scenes, there’s no memorable moment that stands out in this movie. Pretty, pretty lame movie.
Critically Rated at 8/17.
Filed under Entertainment
John F. Kennedy gave his life serving this country, and we honored him by giving him the biggest and most useless coin in our arsenal. They are practically worthless. Cash registers don’t have a slot for them, no vending machines will accept them, they don’t fit in parking meters and you can’t use them for laundry. Some magicians use them for coin tricks. Some Chinese kids get them for Chinese New Year. The only real use for the fifty cent piece is to complete your mint coin set from the year you were born.
Critically Rated at 6/17.
Filed under Random Rants
Dollar coins are becoming more common, but they are still pretty annoying. You can use them for public transportation and some vending machines will accept them. They have no slot in cash registers, so you hardly use them for regular cash transactions. There are a few common dollar coins. The Susan B. Anthony dollar coin is silver and slightly bigger than a quarter. They look very similar to quarters and are constantly mistaken for them. The public hates them and I do too. Sacajawea dollar coins are gold and depict Sacajawea, the Indian Princess who loved Lewis and hated Clark. Slightly better than the Susan B. Anthony coins, these are gold and are easily distinguished from other US coins. I think it’s also the only coin with a baby on it.
The Sacajawea coins were also not well received by the public. The obvious solution was to stick a president on there. But which one? How about all of them?!? Sounds good to me. The government saw the benefits of people collecting state quarters, and they unveiled a line of dollar coins which will depict each president eventually. Finally William Henry Harrison and Gerald Ford get their own currency, what a relief.
Critically Rated at 6/17 for the Susan B. Anthony coin.
Critically Rated at 11/17 for the Sacajawea coin.
Critically Rated at 14/17 for the Presidential coins.
Filed under Random Rants
Gryffindor takes the brave, Slytherin takes the ambitious, Ravenclaw takes the smarties, and Hufflepuff takes the rest. This is the remedial house. They ride the short Knight Bus if you know what I mean. The best known Hufflepuff is Cedric Diggory. He is famous for being a Hogwarts champion competing with Harry in the Triwizard Tournament. He was cursed and killed, and came back as Twilight, a fate worse than death.
Critically Rated at 1/17.
Filed under Entertainment
This house is full of smart and clever people. This is the nerd house of Hogwarts and they are tri Lams (that’s a Revenge of the Nerds reference, anyone? No? K, nevermind). Hermione Granger was almost in this house. That’s how you know that smart ones go here. All the other houses require a password to get into their dorms, but Ravenclaws must answer a constantly changing riddle to gain entrance. Cho Chang is the best known Ravenclaw. If you aren’t in Gryffindor or Slytherin, you want to be in this house.
Critically Rated at 12/17.
Filed under Entertainment
So if Gryffindor is the good house, and the light side of the Force, Slytherin is a house of evil, and the dark side. Slytherins aren’t necessarily evil, but they are really ambitious and strive to be powerful and great. Notable Slytherins include Snape, Malfoy, Bellatrix Lestrange, and Tom Riddle (a.k.a. motherfucking VOLDEMORT). Not all Slytherins are bad. They are just racist fucks sometimes, always hating on mudbloods.
Critically Rated at 13/17.
Filed under Entertainment
The brave and noble come to this house. Everyone wants to be a hero or at least decent and nice. If you want to stand up to evil and stand up for what is right, than this is the house for you. Notable Gryffindors include Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and motherfucking HARRY POTTER. This is the best house at Hogwarts, and they are winners. We like winners.
Critically Rated at 15/17.
Filed under Entertainment
Watchmen
This is it. This is the perfect comic. The essential graphic novel that appears on more lists than any other. There is a reason for it. Alan Moore created a 12 issue series featuring original but familiar Superheroes, all of which became icons.
The story itself is rich and dense. It starts with a simple question: what if Superheroes were real? How would the world be different? Most of the superheroes are like Batman, the Green Arrow or the Punisher; they are not immortal, they have no powers, they are real people who don costumes and take on criminals. And what happens when a freak accident results in a new breed of Superheroes with godlike powers?
The world of the Watchmen takes place in an alternate 1985, and Superheroes have been outlawed. Only a handful of “masks” are still active and primarily work for the Government. After the death of a former mask named the Comedian, a rogue vigilante believes he’s stumbled across a plot to eliminate former masks. Rorschach enlists and warns fellow allies, and they must work together to foil the plot, unaware of the bigger conspiracy that has a shocking outcome.
The characters of Watchmen are icons now. The Comedian was only in the story through flashbacks, and you only get to know him through the other characters. You see many different aspects to his personality, and some characters are very biased so he is hardly depicted in a good light. Rorschach is instantly recognizable with his trademark inkblot mask. He sees the world in black and white, good and evil. He is an active mask, but he works alone, not for the government. Dr. Manhattan is a God, and he’s American. He is the only character with true powers, however he is no longer able to relate to anyone, not even his girlfriend Laurie. Laurie is also a second-generation mask, known as the Silk Spectre, like her mother before her. Another mask goes by the name Nite Owl, he is very similar to Batman in a lot of ways, just more of a wuss than a badass. Rounding out the main cast of superheroes is the self-proclaimed smartest man in the world, Ozymandias.
Not only is the plot complex and the characters well thought out (possibly excepting Laurie), but the artwork, panel layout and color schemes add even more depth to the story. Chapter 5 (Fearful Symmetry) is symmetrical for crying out loud! Watchman uses a 9 panel layout primarily, but it manipulates is often to give a sense of action or pacing. It reads like a movie, they zoom in and out, they pan over, they enlarge details in scenes. There are hidden smiley faces and crazy background details. There is a comic within the comic. How meta is that?
Not only is Watchmen worth reading 2 or 3 times, I feel you have to read it at least that many times. There are so many throw away lines that allude to different events and characters. The story is so dense, the plot lines weave in and out and blend together. If you ever thought about getting into graphic novels, this is the one to start with.
Critically Rated at a perfect 17/17.
Filed under Entertainment
Krist Novoselic. You say “who?” and I say “Exactly.” This guy was one third of the biggest rock band of the early nineties. You still don’t know who I’m talking about. Here’s a hint: there’s Kurt Cobain, there’s Dave Grohl , and there’s the other guy in Nirvana. Krist Novoselic is that other guy. I don’t even know if I’m spelling his name correctly and I really don’t care.
Critically Rated at 5/17
Filed under People I Feel Sorry For
Maus is one of those graphic novels that you give to people who think that graphic novels are all about superheroes and childish things. Art Spiegleman’s graphic novel is based on the true story of his father Vladek, and how he survived the Holocaust. The characters are depicted as animals. Jews are mice, Nazis are cats, and other animals represent various nationalities.
The framing is also interesting. It is set up as Art interviewing his elderly father over several visits, and it flashes back to the events leading up to and including Vladek’s experiences in the camps. Not only does the novel delve into the traumatic experiences, they also show how damaged Vladek is as a result. He is a broken individual, hard to deal with, hard to love, but impossible to ignore.
This graphic novel transcends being a mere comic. It is a literary masterpiece, proof that comics are a valid form of literature. I would recommend Maus and/or Watchmen to any first time comic reader.
Critically Rated at 16/17
Filed under Entertainment
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