Tag Archives: switch

Looking for the Light Switch

A bunch of buddies and I recently rented a house for a bachelor party weekend. It was a nice house. It had huge backyard with a pool, basketball hoop, ping-pong table, an outdoor living room equipped with a huge TV, 4 bedrooms, and 2.5 baths. It even had a kitchen with a refrigerator! There were fourteen of us altogether and we were in the mood to party and party hard. And we did. We got a bunch of beers and started playing drinking games until we started dropping like flies. One by one we would slip away from the festivities and find a place to pass out in peace. After a while there was only a few of us left to semi-clean up, lock doors, and turn off lights. It’s hard looking for the light switch in a strange house, especially when you’re wasted. I tried to turn off the patio lights and turned on the garbage disposal. I tried to turn off the kitchen lights and turned on the lights in the living room, waking up a few grumbling drunks in the process. The only light I could successfully turn off was the one in the refrigerator (all I did was shut the door). Looking for the light switch is a thankless chore. Nobody cares when you finally find it, and they’ll think you’re stupid until you do.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Light-switch

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Filed under Random Rants

Seat Hopper

A seat hopper is a person who can’t sit in one spot for more than a few minutes. They are usually creepy old guys on the bus. I saw one the other day. I was on the bus going to work and the bus was about half full so there were plenty of available seats to choose from. An old Asian guy came on, glanced at all of the open seats, and chose the seat right next to me. He saw there for a minute or two, but then he got up at the next stop, moved across the aisle, and sat down next to a young college chick. I wondered if I caused him to move by neglecting to put on deodorant or something, until he got up at the next stop, moved back across the aisle, and sat down to the guy sitting right in front of me. A few stops later he got up and went to a different spot. It was around that time that I realized that he was just a weirdo with a penchant for seat hopping. I watched him move to three more seats before he finally got off. I can only assume that he went to find another bus to sit in more seats. I think that he’s harmless, but he’ll be my top suspect if I ever sit in anything sticky on the bus.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under People I Feel Sorry For