Tag Archives: pace

Bad Walkers

I cruise around the city streets on my longboard almost every day, and I’ve noticed that there are a lot of bad walkers out there. I mean some people just don’t know how to walk. They can’t keep a steady pace, they constantly speed up and slow down. Some can’t walk in a straight line. They will weave from side to side like a drunk at last call. Some people hear my wheels clacking behind them and they will freeze in place like a deer in headlights. Do you know what happens to a deer in headlights? It gets hit by the fucking car. Don’t be a deer in headlights. Don’t freeze in place when you see a skateboarder. I guarantee that the skateboarder already saw you and has adjusted his path to avoid hitting you. 

I see lots of tourists stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to gawk at buildings or look at a map. They don’t seem to realize that they are blocking the flow of pedestrian traffic. And they will give me a dirty look for calling them out on it. I’m not being an asshole, I’m trying to change thier stupid habits and save the world. If you want to walk around in my city, you should know how to fucking walk. Keep a steady pace, hold a straight line, and move with deliberation and intent. Slower traffic should stay to the right side. Waking isn’t that hard. Babies can do it. I know you can too.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Suddenly Stopping While Walking

I live in a major US city with a lot of famous landmarks and points of interest. That means our sidewalks are littered with tourists who see nothing wrong with suddenly stopping while walking to take a picture or admire the scenery. They will be walking at a brisk pace and then stop instantly in the middle of the sidewalk without any warning or indication. You’ll plow right into them if you’re not paying attention. Then the idiot will glare at you and act like it’s your fault that you ran into them. They don’t seem to realize or care that they are the one at fault. They don’t know how to walk, but you’re the one to blame somehow. You shouldn’t be allowed to walk if you have the habit of stopping suddenly. It’s dangerous and stupid. It’s like slamming your brakes on the freeway. You deserve to be crashed into. It’s what you get for being dumb.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Walking Downhill

I live in San Francisco and don’t have a car. That means that I walk. A lot. San Francisco is famous for its many hills and I spend a lot of time walking up and down those hills. Walking uphill sucks. It’s tiring and it’s an involuntary workout. The only good thing about walking uphill is that you’ll eventually reach the peak and start walking downhill. Walking downhill is where it’s at. All you have to do is keep your legs moving and let gravity do all the work. You put some stress on your knees, but that’s a small sacrifice for flying down the hill at a pace that a professional speed walker would be proud of. You can cover a lot of ground in a short amount of time without wasting much energy. Your downhill pace should be called Lipton Speed because it’s so brisk.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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