Tag Archives: older

Older Than the Athletes

I remember my first year in college was the same year LeBron James made his NBA debut. It made quite an impression on me, not because he was the Chosen One or whatever, but because we were both eighteen years old and starting new chapters in our lives. His book was just way better than mine. It was kind of a turning point. When you’re growing up the athletes you’re watching on TV are older than you. You keep watching sports and time slogs on. After a while you’re the same age as the rookies, then you’re the same age as the athletes in their prime, then you’re the same age as the veterans, and eventually you’re the same age as the coach. Realizing that you’re older than the athletes is worse than a finding a gray hair. It’s like finding ten gray hairs at once. It’s your mortality slapping you in the face. And it hurts. Nobody wants to be older than the athletes. They want to be the athletes.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

esjhhl0n7r1ese6zg6xm

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

Calling Somebody Old on Their Birthday

There are a million different birthday traditions that you feel obliged to practice. Let’s say that it’s your friend’s birthday and you want to celebrate. You’ll throw him a birthday party. You’ll buy him a birthday cake with birthday candles. You’ll buy him a birthday present and a signed birthday card. But it’s not officially his birthday until you give him grief about getting older. Calling somebody old on their birthday is the best way to remind someone about their mortality. They are one year closer to death, and you need to rub it in their face. Their saggy, old, wrinkled face. It’s a way to punch them in the gut on their special day. You need to do it out of love though, and not malice. You don’t want to make them cry, just feel a little less immortal.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants

First Gray Hair

I woke up the other morning and trudged my way to the bathroom to take a piss and brush my teeth. As I stood half-asleep gazing at my reflection, something caught my eye. A flash of white in the midst of my dark brown hair. I grabbed some tweezers and plucked out a tuft of hair in the offending area. There it was, a single strand of gray hair surrounded by its youthful fellow follicles. Life is full of accomplishments: learning to walk, learning to talk, first day of school, losing your first tooth, puberty, etc. Your first gray hair is not an accomplishment. It’s a reminder that you are going to die. Growing up, you assume that you are immortal, but then you see your first gray hair and reality slaps you in the face. You are getting older and older, and each heartbeat is one closer to death. Try not to dwell on it and have a nice day.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Leave a comment

Filed under Random Rants