Tag Archives: leash

A Dog That Gets Tangled In Its Own Leash

My friend has a little dog that he takes everywhere because he pretends that it’s a service animal. The dog is really cute and adorable, but it’s dumber than a rock missing a chromosome. It has a habit of getting tangled up in its own leash. If you tie the leash around a table leg while you eat, the dog will start walking around the chairs and table in random directions until he gets all wrapped up and stuck because he doesn’t know how to backtrack. Then he will start whining and crying until someone rescues him. Then he gets tangled up again as soon as you look away. It’s fun to laugh at a dog that gets tangled in its own leash, but it becomes a hassle to constantly be untangling a dopey canine every few minutes. But I’d still rather deal with a dumb dog than a smart cat.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Dog Holding Its Own Leash

I was playing disc golf in the park today when I saw a dog emerge from the bushes. He was on a leash but there was no owner in sight. He was holding his own leash and walking himself. A dog holding its own leash is madness. It’s anarchy. It’s chaos. You’re a dog, you can’t walk yourself. You need someone to hold your leash and to pick up your shit with a little plastic bag. I don’t know where your owner is, I’d assume that he’s somewhere nearby, but it’s more fun to pretend that Fido escapes from the backyard and explores the neighborhood and sneaks back into the yard each day before his oblivious owner finds out. And he makes sure he wears a leash so the cops don’t hassle him for disobeying leash laws.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Leash Kids

There’s a simple way to tell if you are a bad parent. Look at your kid. Is it on a leash? If yes, then you are a bad parent. Disguising the leash as an animal tail isn’t fool anyone and it’s insulting to your kid. Holding onto your kid’s monkey tail and avoiding actual human contact doesn’t make you a good parent. It makes you lazy. If you’re worried about your kid getting lost, wandering off, or getting kidnapped, that’s only natural. But you should hold their hand, not a leash. A toddler is not a dog. Kids are supposed to run around and play. They are kids. That’s what they do. You’re not supposed to tie them up and confine them. Let them be kids.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under People I Feel Sorry For