Tag Archives: hole

Counting the Holes in the Ceiling

I don’t like being bored. I always need to be doing something that stimulates my brain. I like reading. I like writing. I like watching TV and movies and listening to music. But sometimes I can’t do anything but count the holes on the ceiling. I just got back from the dentist and had to lie on my back for forty-five minutes while they poked and prodded and polished my teeth. Counting the holes in the ceiling was the only thing that I could do to keep from going crazy. You don’t want to actually count each individual hole, that will take forever. Start with one ceiling tile and count the number of holes in the first row and the first column, then multiply those numbers together and you will end up with the amount of holes per tile. Then you simply have to count all the tiles and multiply it by the amount of holes in one tile. The hard part is doing this all in your head and not losing track. It’s hard to do math without any paper or a calculator. You actually have to think. Even if you do succeed, it’s a hollow victory. Nobody cares how many holes are on the ceiling in your dentist’s office or that you counted them yourself.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Hole in Your Favorite Shirt

It’s a sad day when you find a hole in your favorite shirt. Your favorite shirt almost becomes a part of you. It’s comfortable and it fits well and it makes you look cool and it makes you feel good. You’ve worn it to parties, to dinners, on vacations, on dates, and you always managed to keep in clean and pristine. But time has a way of slogging on, and eventually the wear and tear will be too much to bear and a hole will form. You don’t have to throw it away. You can still wear it around the house, but you have to retire it from public appearances. When your favorite shirt gets demoted, another gets promoted. And even though you’ll miss the old one, your new shirt will eventually win your heart, and you’ll eventually create a new bunch of memories with your new favorite.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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A Hole In Your Sock

Few things make you look like a hobo more than having your big toe sticking out of a hole in your sock. Rocking a hole in your sock makes you seem like you’ve given up all hope on life. It makes it seem like you don’t give a fuck about anything anymore. It’s a fucking sock with a fucking hole. Throw that shit away. You should have a whole drawer full of adequate replacements. Even if you don’t, you can get a six-pack of socks for less than a six-pack of beer (it depends on the quality of the socks and beer). I know you have some sentimental attachment to your precious sock, that you feel you earned that hole, but you gotta know when to let things go.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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