Tag Archives: grammar nazi

Red Pen

Think back to the worst test you ever took in high school. Remember how the teacher handed it back to you folded up so nobody else could see how badly you did. Remember the blow to your gut when you opened it up and saw nothing but red circles and red scribbles all over it, and a big fat red F at the top. Red ink hurts. It has power. And I will use it to my advantage. I think I will invest in a red pen or permanent marker and start editing all the things that bug me. I’m a Grammar Nazi, what can I say? It’s hereditary. My mom’s an English teacher and she instilled a large amount of respect for the language in me. I get annoyed when I see typos and grammatical mishaps. I feel compelled to correct them. It sucks having other people’s stupidity triggering my OCD, but I think a red pen would help relieve my stress.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Genious

As a Grammar Nazi, I love correcting people’s mistakes. Misused commas, unnessesary apostrophes, misspellings… you name it, I notice it and I’ll call you out on it. Unless you misspell genius and write out genious. I’m not sure if that a paradox or irony, but I know that I will never correct you. It’s too awesome to correct. The sad thing is that this happens far more than it should and I can’t explain why. If you type out genious on your phone or computer, it either gets autocorrected or you get that red squiggle line under it. It’s obvious that you didn’t spell it right. But you still go forth and publish it on social media so that other people can see how dumb you are. It’s a fast and easy way to make yourself look like a dumbass.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

im-a-genious-868x1029

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“Word Crimes” by “Weird Al” Yankovic

“Weird Al” Yankovic recently released his fourteenth studio album called Mandatory Fun, and he’s bombarded the internet with his singles and music videos. I watched a couple and so far “Word Crimes” is my personal favorite. It spoofs Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” and but uses the lyrics to teach proper grammar rather than misogyny. As a Grammar Nazi, I’m thrilled. It encourages people to actually write and not use internet lingo. I feel like English teachers would get a kick out of it. The music video is cool. It’s just text and animations with lots of hidden jokes and references to pop culture. It’s so easy to make a parody these days, but “Weird Al” Yankovic has made a career out of it and been around for decades. He’s the best because he is smart. He didn’t make a cheap parody about how “Blurred Lines” was sexist and promoted rape culture. He went with a grammar theme and treats the audience with a little respect. He’s smart and he doesn’t dumb it down for you.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Commas in the Wrong Place

I’m a Grammar Nazi and one of the things that bug me the most is when people put commas in the wrong place. You’ll see someone’s status on Facebook saying something like Little Benny doesn’t like cake but, that’s what he’s getting. It bugs me because they know that the comma has something to do with the conjunction but they don’t know where it goes. They go after interjections and before conjunctions. Didn’t you pay attention in English class? It’s really not that complicated. The thing about commas is that you shouldn’t use them if you don’t know how to use them because you will seem like a dumbass to a smartass like me.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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use punctuation

its hard to read simple sentences and paragraphs if you dont use any punctuation or capitalization unfortunately some people have missed the memo if you go on facebook right now youll probably see half a dozen statuses clogging up your newsfeed that are incoherent and almost impossible to read the words and sentences get all jumbled together and you have no idea what that dumbass is saying i dont even know how its possible to avoid capitalizing letters and using apostrophes and periods we live in an age of autocorrect i physically have to go back and delete the apostrophes from words like dont and cant because the computer fixes your mistakes so you dont look like an idiot but you seem to have your heart set on being stupid if you cant express yourself in a comprehensive way then maybe you should shut the fuck up and keep your sloppy status updates to yourself punctuation is important so fucking use it.

critically rated at 4/17

written rated and reviewed by brendan h young

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Me Neither

If someone says, “I don’t want to go to the DMV,” then you should respond with “Me neither.” A lot of people forget that “neither” is a word. And so they don’t use it. I don’t know why, it’s a pretty cool word and you barely get to use it. Plus you seem stupid when you respond with “me either.” It’s “me neither.” Why? I don’t know why, it’s something to do with negatives and that’s just how it is. Don’t make up your own rules for the English language and you won’t have problems with grammar Nazis. Don’t say things if you don’t know how to say them. You don’t want to let all the Pandoras out of the box.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Anyways

“Anyways” isn’t a word. It’s “anyway”. It’s shorter and easier to say and write. We like dumbing down words, not making them longer. We abbreviate “at” with “@”. “Okay” became “O.K.” and then “OK” and now we just say “K”. So why are you adding letters to words and making them non-words? The only time it’s ok to use “anyways” in a sentence is when you’re telling someone that they are an idiot for using “anyways” in a sentence. Don’t let the grammar nazis catch you.

Critically Rated at 6/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Things You Say Wrong

My mom’s an English teacher and I’m an asshole, so I’m a grammar nazi. I’m also hip to technology, and so I’m on the Facebook. When I go on Facebook and see that your day was better than mine and you spelled something wrong, it’s only natural that I will correct you. It makes me feel better about myself.

If you’ve ever called someone and told them their refrigerator was running, and that they should go catch it, you just did a “crank call”, not a “prank call”. Yes, it was a prank, but it was a crank call.

If you ever said, “I should of” done something, you should’ve paid attention in school. You would’ve gotten better grades if you realized that “could have” is abbreviated to “could’ve”, which sounds like “could of”. But one of them makes sense, and one of them makes you seem retarded.

“Your” is possessive. “You’re” means “you are”. If you say “Your dumb”, it means that you’re dumb.

When you shower you are “buck naked”, not “butt naked”. I don’t know why, but that’s just what it is. I don’t make the rules: I just point them out and try to make you feel stupid.

Sticking your middle finger up is “flipping” people off, not “flicking” them off. You are flipping the bird, not flicking off a booger.

While I’m on the subject of shit you say wrong, let me address the fact that it is 2012. Almost everyone has a smart phone. With a full keyboard. So there is no need to be typing like a 6th grader in an AOL chat room. You aren’t saving that much time by writing out “C U 2 @ 8 tom”. It just makes you seem dumb and lazy. It’s time to grow up. Would you respect a lawyer or a doctor who can’t or won’t spell a three-letter word?

Everyone uses computers. We have spelling and grammar corrected automatically. And people still suck at the basics. It’s pathetic. The world thinks Americans are dumb, and when I go on Facebook and see these pathetically monkey-typed statuses I can’t blame them for thinking that.

I really hoped that I fucked up multiple times writing this article. Then you could point out more mistakes from another dumb American.

Critically Rated at 12/17

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