Tag Archives: flatulence

August 28, 2013 · 8:59 am

Pull My Finger

“Pull my finger” is one of the oldest jokes in human history. The setup is simple, you approach and unsuspecting person with your index finger extended, and you invited them to pull your finger. They oblige by grabbing your finger and pulling it, and that’s when you let one rip. You fart, and you fart loud and proud; the wetter, the better. If you fart loud enough, the victim will get embarrassed and you will get a high five from whoever witnessed it. Farts are funny, but you have to pick your moments. Never ask your grandparents to pull your finger, never attempt it at a dinner party, and avoid it at all costs during weddings and baptisms. Funerals are acceptable. Anything that distracts you from death is ok. The next time there’s a dull moment, or you experience a lull in the conversation, ask somebody to pull your finger and let that flatulence fly.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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July 5, 2013 · 9:55 am

Whoopee Cushion

A whoopee cushion is one of the first novelty gifts that you get as a kid. It makes fart noises and fart noises are funny. The traditional way to use one is to blow it up, then you get somebody to sit on it without realizing it’s there, it sounds like he farted, and then everyone laughs at him. Then he demands the whoopee cushion so that he can get somebody else, and the cycle continues.  They are really immature, but so am I, and I brought one to work the other day. Most of the dudes that I work with appreciated it, but I was surprised that it was the girls who wanted to play with it the most. Maybe it’s because they can’t fart in public. Guys fart all the time and we’re proud of our gas. Girls are embarrassed and try to hide their flatulence. But everyone thinks farts are funny, even if they don’t admit it. A whoopee cushion is great because you get the obnoxious sound without the noxious fumes.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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February 8, 2013 · 10:43 am

Shart

Everyone experiences gas; it’s nothing to be embarrassed of. But sometimes you want to suppress your flatulence and that’s when bad things happen. You’ll try to be discrete and let one silently slip out but a little something else escapes. You have just experienced a shart. It’s a fart with a little extra cheese. The first thing to do after you shart is to assess the damage. Carefully shuffle to the bathroom and check for stains and/or nuggets. Stains are manageable, but nuggets (haha, butt nuggets) mean you pooped yourself and need a new pair of pants. You’d rather shart than shit yourself, neither is particularly fun though.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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December 6, 2012 · 10:44 am

Dutch Oven

You’re lying comfortably in bed without a care in the world, completely warm and wrapped tightly in your sheets. You’re totally relaxed and at ease. And then you let one rip and you snap out of your reverie. You just Dutch ovened yourself, the ultimate betrayal. A Dutch oven is a cooking pot. It’s also when you fart under the covers and are forced to smell it. It combines the joy of being farted on with the pleasure of inhaling flatulence. It’s not a great way to start your day. It’s even worse when someone else gets you. The worst is when a stranger gets you.

Critically Rated at 1/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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