Tag Archives: closing time

California Closing Time

California is legit. We have mountains, movie stars, the Pacific Ocean, really good weed, beaches, lakes, rivers, snow, and sunshine. We also have bars that close at 2:00 a.m. That part’s not so cool. They actually close earlier than 2:00. Most bars set their clocks ahead 15 minutes so they can close earlier. So they pretend to close at 2:00 but it’s really still 1:45. That’s fifteen minutes of drinking that they steal from you.

Most cool kids don’t even get to the bar until after 10 or 11:00 p.m. So you have less than three hours to drink and socialize before they kick you out. That’s not much time for fun on a Saturday night. When the bar closes it is time for the afterparty or to go home. California is awesome. California closing time is not.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Drinks

The Last Table in the Restaurant

I work in the service industry and I’m going to tell you a secret: if you go into a sit-down restaurant five minutes before they close, you are scum. You have pissed off the host, the server, the bartender, the busser, the kitchen, and the closing manager. I know you are hungry and that sucks, but I’m tired and want to go home. Or to the bar. Either way, I don’t want to serve you. The cooks don’t want me to serve you either. They started mentally checking out thirty minutes before closing. The host has to stay an extra forty minutes just to smile and thank you for visiting when you leave. The bartender already yelled last call before you got there, so consider yourself lucky if you can get a drink. The manager can’t leave until the bartender leaves, and the bartender can’t leave until the server leaves, and the server can’t leave until your inconsiderate ass does. If it’s late and you just want a bite to eat, get some fast food. If you want to be an asshole, go to a sit-down restaurant five minutes before close. There’s a special spot in Hell reserved for the last table in the restaurant.

Critically Rated at 4/17

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Filed under Random Rants