Tag Archives: car alarm

Setting Off Your Own Car Alarm

It’s the middle of the night and you wake up from your deep slumber because there’s a car alarm blaring outside. You try to shut it out, but you can’t ignore it and you wonder whose fucking car alarm is going off and you wonder why that mother fucker isn’t doing anything about it. Then you realize that it’s your car and that you are that mother fucker. Setting off your own car alarm is one of the worst feelings in the world. You feel an instant pang of regret as something so mundane starts to backfire on you. It’s like when you flush the toilet and the water starts to rise. It’s not your fault, but everybody is going to blame you regardless. All you can do is apologize profusely but nobody will care. You’re the villain, you’re the asshole, and you have to accept that. You might not have meant to set it off, but you did, and you have to take responsibility for it. Hopefully you’re not taking responsibility at four in the morning.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Car Alarms

Car alarms suck. There’s no such thing as absolute silence in a city because there’s always at least one car alarm going off somewhere. It’s such a common event that nobody even pays attention anymore. When’s the last time you heard a car alarm and jumped out of your seat and ran to the window to catch a thief in the act?  You just ignore it. Fuck crime fighting.

            Most of the time it’s not even from anyone trying to steal anything, it’s usually a dickhole with a kickass sound system bumping shitty rap. The only time I enjoy car alarms is when I see somebody realize that it’s their car alarm going off. They get that Oh-Shit-I’m-A-Douchebag look on their face as they grab their keys and run outside to stop the mayhem.

Critically Rated at 5/17

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