Tag Archives: asteroid

Pluto

Pluto is cursed. There has never been a good Pluto. Once upon a time, there used to be a planet named Pluto, but then it got demoted. Now it’s just another asteroid. Then there’s the Disney dog.  You might recall that here are two main dogs in the Disney Universe. One of them was Goofy, a talking dog who is also best friends with Mickey Mouse. And the other one is Pluto, just a dumb dog who can’t talk and was enslaved by Mickey Mouse. Disney’s Pluto is so fucking dumb that a talking mouse keeps him as a pet. Eddie Murphy has been in a lot of bad movies, but his worst one has got to be The Adventures of Pluto Nash and that’s saying something because he has made a lot of terrible, terrible films. And I mean terrible. The name Pluto comes from Greek mythology. Pluto was the god of the underworld, but most people today remember the other Greek name for the god of the underworld: Hades. Anyone who’s ever read an ancient poem in English class, or listened to the lyrics of a good hip hop song knows that Hades is the undisputed ruler of the underworld. Pluto is a joke. Nothing good can come from naming something after Pluto. From now on we are all boycotting Pluto. No more Pluto.

Critically Rated at 1/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Meteor Warning System

So there’s all this talk about asteroids, meteors, comets, and various space rocks coming to kill us all. There was that close call with asteroid 2012 DA14 and that Russian meteorite in the last few days. The asteroid wouldn’t have destroyed the Earth, but it would have fucked shit up. The Russian meteorite was a wake-up call because it was unexpected and unpredicted. It’s a reminder that nature wants to kill us all. NASA and other agencies are trying to create a Meteor Warning System, which would become operable in 2015. That’s fucking bullshit. Even if there was a Meteor Warning System, it wouldn’t be effective. We still have no surefire way of stopping anything. Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck can’t save us. Elijah Wood is toast.  We are all fucked if there’s something heading towards Earth right now (and there is, it’s just a matter of time before it hits us).

The truth is that even if someone detected an asteroid or whatever heading straight for Earth, they would never release that information. If everyone knew the exact moment of judgment day, they would use go crazy. The entire world would panic. We are talking riots, rapes, fights, fires, coups and chaos. Total anarchy. And you wasted your moment if you didn’t go nuts. Everyone would freak out and they know it. They wouldn’t tell anyone. They would let us all die without a clue. And that’s a good thing. Ignorance is bliss and I want to die happy.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Random Rants