Hey buddy, you’re balding. Accept it. Shave your head and free yourself of the follicles that betrayed you. Combovers aren’t hiding anything. Growing your remaining hair long to make up for your shiny dome is a lost cause. Stevie Wonder’s head is a punchline. I’m glad he can’t see this. There is nothing more pathetic than someone clinging to the few precious mammal strands on their head. They style it, they dye it, and they know each one by name. No matter what you do, it looks bad. Just let it go. It’s better to be accepted than laughed at. Bald heads are badass. Michael Jordan. Jason Statham. Jason Alexander. I rest my case.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under People I Feel Sorry For

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