It’s Christmas day, the pinnacle of the Holiday season. Everyday since Halloween has building up for this 24-hour period of food, gifts, and family fights. Hanukah and Kwanzaa are ok, but everyone knows that Christmas is the star of the show. It’s the fake birthday of our favorite bastard. And since he’s not around anymore, we get to open his presents for him. There are a lot of traditions and customs around the world. Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle and St. Nick are a bunch of creepy old men that give goodies to little kids in the middle of the night. People used to take living trees and display them inside. They gradually decided that it was weird, so they started using fake plastic trees instead. People stand around in groups in the freezing cold, loudly singing songs about silent nights.
Christmas is overhyped. It’s lost all value as a holiday. It’s the poster child for consumerism and gluttony, but masked with bright lights and fake snow to make it presentable. It’s still a great day to spend with friends and family, but the magic of the holiday has been slowly draining away ever since you found out that Santa’s not real, he’s just a mascot for the Coca-Cola Company. But everything is full of shit when you analyze it, and Christmas is still my favorite holiday.
Critically Rated at 15/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young