Tag Archives: thumb

Typing On Your Phone with One Finger

I was at the baseball game the other day, and I noticed the middle-aged woman sitting right in front of me was on her iPhone for most of the game. She was taking pictures and uploading them to Facebook, constantly updating her status, responding to all the lame comments that her lame friends were making about her lames pictures, and she spent a good solid 9 innings glued to her fucking phone. None of that shit bothered me. What bothered me was the fact that she was only using her pointer finger to type everything. She was moving at a snail’s pace. My grandma can type faster than her. My grandma knows to turn the phone sideways and to use two thumbs. I know you might be a little clueless on technology, but that has nothing to do with a lack of common sense. Typing on your phone with one finger is stupidly wrong. I don’t like to use the word retarded, but that’s what it is. You are fucking retarded if you’re typing with just your index finger. The only acceptable reason for typing on your phone with one finger is if you only have one finger. If you have thumbs, you should use those. Your phone’s keyboard was fucking designed for your fucking thumbs. If you don’t know how to use your phone, you don’t deserve your phone.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written Rated and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Thumbs

Thumbs are the most important phalange. They are strong and versatile. Thumbs in general are pretty handy. Opposable ones are even better. You uses your thumbs thousands of times every day, like when typing, picking things up, holding on to those things, texting, playing video games, cooking, and impersonating the Fonz. The world would fall apart without thumbs. Hitchhiking would be a lot more challenging. Movie critics would have to find a new way to rate movies. You wouldn’t be able to dance to Call Me Maybe. Thumb wars would be nonexistent. Life wouldn’t be worth living. Who has two thumbs and is proud of it? This guy.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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