Tag Archives: sheets

Dutch Oven

You’re lying comfortably in bed without a care in the world, completely warm and wrapped tightly in your sheets. You’re totally relaxed and at ease. And then you let one rip and you snap out of your reverie. You just Dutch ovened yourself, the ultimate betrayal. A Dutch oven is a cooking pot. It’s also when you fart under the covers and are forced to smell it. It combines the joy of being farted on with the pleasure of inhaling flatulence. It’s not a great way to start your day. It’s even worse when someone else gets you. The worst is when a stranger gets you.

Critically Rated at 1/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Your Bed

I love my bed. Especially since I slept on a futon for a few years. I’ve noticed your bed is your sanctuary; it’s the best place in the world. It’s where you feel truly comfortable and at peace and there’s nowhere else like it. When you are stressed out at work or drunk at a party, your natural instinct is to go home and collapse on your bed. You can tell a difference between a hotel bed, or a guestroom bed, or your girlfriend’s bed… nothing compares to your bed. You can change your sheets, your mattress, your entire bedroom and it won’t matter. Your body will naturally adapt and know this new bed is your bed. Some days you don’t want to leave your bed. Those are the best days. Your bed is your bed and there are no substitutes. Love your bed.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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