I don’t trust people who can sleep anywhere and anytime. There’s just something suspicious about it. There’s a whole process and routine behind going to bed. You get dressed for bed, you brush your teeth, and you read a book or watch TV or listen to music as you drift off to sleep, then you crash hard for 6-8 hours and wake up in the morning. That’s what normal people do. But some people disrupt the universe by falling asleep in random places at random times and I don’t understand how they do it. My friend can fall asleep no matter what is going on. She can be at a party, at a sporting event, on a plane, on a goddamned jet ski and just close her eyes and start sleeping. It’s unbelievable; I don’t know how she does it. She can be surrounded by a thousand people with music blasting and lights blaring and simply close her eyes, shut it all out, and start snoozing. We will all be getting ready to go out, and when the cab finally shows up, she will be sprawled out on sofa completely comatose. It’s not right and it’s not fair. I have to grab a Red Bull if I’m tired. I just can’t do naps.
Critically Rated at 5/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young