Tag Archives: pass out

People Who Can Sleep Anywhere

I don’t trust people who can sleep anywhere and anytime. There’s just something suspicious about it. There’s a whole process and routine behind going to bed. You get dressed for bed, you brush your teeth, and you read a book or watch TV or listen to music as you drift off to sleep, then you crash hard for 6-8 hours and wake up in the morning. That’s what normal people do. But some people disrupt the universe by falling asleep in random places at random times and I don’t understand how they do it. My friend can fall asleep no matter what is going on. She can be at a party, at a sporting event, on a plane, on a goddamned jet ski and just close her eyes and start sleeping. It’s unbelievable; I don’t know how she does it. She can be surrounded by a thousand people with music blasting and lights blaring and simply close her eyes, shut it all out, and start snoozing. We will all be getting ready to go out, and when the cab finally shows up, she will be sprawled out on sofa completely comatose. It’s not right and it’s not fair. I have to grab a Red Bull if I’m tired. I just can’t do naps.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Random Rants

Getting Drunk Too Early

People like to party and I like to partake. But bars can be expensive, so it’s essential to pregame in today’s economy. You’ll grab some booze and a few friends to pound a few drinks to get a nice buzz going before you hit up the town. Just make sure you pace yourself and don’t get too carried away, because there’s nothing worse than getting drunk too early. You’ll get sleepy and pass out, and you’ll hear stories about all the crazy shit that you missed for the next few weeks. They could be exaggerating, but you’ll never know because you were lame and passed out before leaving the house. It’s inevitable, it’s going to happen. I’m just glad I’m not still in college so I don’t get Sharpie all over my face when it happens to me.

Critically Rated at 7/17

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Filed under Drinks