Tag Archives: host stand


If you go to a restaurant that has a host stand and you don’t go to the host stand, you are a stupid piece of shit. I’ve been in the service industry for a few years, and I still get amazed at how dumb some people are. If I see you seat yourself, I’m going to make you move. I know that you’re hungry. That’s why you came into the restaurant. And I know you don’t want to wait because waiting sucks. But if you don’t know to go to the host stand, then you probably don’t know how to tip either. So fuck you and get out.

Self-seaters like to choose the dirtiest table available, and then they’ll flag down a server or busser and ask them to clean the table off. And the employee will refer them to the host stand with a fake smile. And they will lie and say that the host sat them there. And the employee will know you’re lying because they don’t have any menus and hosts don’t seat parties at dirty tables. And so they will refer the self-seaters to the host stand again, this time without a smile.

I don’t even understand how someone thinks that it’s ok to just sit down and expect service. If you go to McDonald’s and just sit down at a table, you’re never gonna get a Big Mac. Go to the host stand or go to hell.

Critically Rated at 4/17

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Sit-down Restaurants Without a Host Stand

Consistency is key. If you discover a new restaurant that looks interesting, you should be able to enter the establishment and see the host stand. Then you tell the host how many are in your party, and she will take you to a table where you can have a seat and look over the menu. Then your server comes over and takes your order and you relax and socialize while the cooks make your food, then the food comes out and you eat it. And then you pay (and you tip 20% because you’re not cheap), and then you leave. Simple, easy, and the standard way to do it.

But then there are stupid restaurants that don’t have a host stand. These trendy restaurants try to make up their own rules, like getting customers to order in line and pay in advance for food, and not having a waiter, so you have no idea who to ask for hot sauce or another round of drinks or order dessert from. The shitty place I went to last night didn’t even have booze (essential to survive any family dinner). No host stand means trouble. It means they have their own rules that only regulars know. They make the outsiders feel stupid for not knowing how to order. Restaurants should all follow the same basic procedure so you don’t feel like a dumbass for not knowing their absurd ordering process. If I go into a new place and don’t know how to get the food that I want in my stomach, then I will go somewhere that wants me to order their food.

Critically Rated at 6/17

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