Tag Archives: honking

Honking to Pick Up Your Passenger

Hey Mr. Asshole Driver, it’s awesome that you’re being green and saving the planet by carpooling but there’s no need to announce your arrival by honking excessively. Especially at 7:00 in the morning. There’s no excuse to wake up the whole neighborhood just because your passenger isn’t waiting curbside. You can always ring their doorbell or call/text them to tell them to come outside. That’s what normal people do: practice common courtesy. Besides, if you can afford a car you can afford a phone. Fucking use it and lay off the horn.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Excessive Honking

It sucks that you are stuck in traffic. It really does. You’re in a rush, you have somewhere you need to be, you’re stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, and your blood pressure is starting to rise. But excessive honking isn’t going to suddenly make the road clear up. And that constant blaring is annoying everyone and contributing to the traffic jam negativity. So shut the fuck up and lay off the horn.

Horns are supposed to be a warning. You use them to warn someone that they are about to back into your car. You use them to notify pedestrians of their impending death. You aren’t supposed to use them to escalate road rage. That’s what the middle finger is for.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Honking in Tunnels

Americans like cars. Americans like driving cars. And when Americans drive cars through tunnels, they like to honk. They like to honk repeatedly. Maybe they like the sound as it echoes. Maybe they only honk cause their daddy used to honk and they have daddy issues. Maybe they honk because they are celebrating to acknowledge human engineering achievements. Maybe they honk because they are assholes. But there is no doubt that Americans like to honk in tunnels. It’s a national pastime, like taking steroids and playing baseball.

Critically Rated at 10/17

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