Tag Archives: cop

A Bad Beach Bonfire

My old roommate and his girlfriend invited me to a bonfire last week. There’s a popular San Francisco spot on Ocean Beach with a bunch of fire pits available to the public. My roommate works at Beach Chalet which overlooks the fire pits. Each night he works he looks out and sees all the fires glowing in the distance and it inspired him to have a bonfire of his own.

So he called me up, invited me out, and he swooped by and picked me up, and the three of us went out to the beach with a box of wood. We parked the car, got out, and went in search of a fire pit. It was around 7:00 PM and it was already dark but we could see four other fires burning in the area. We walked around looking for a pit using the flashlights on our phones but couldn’t find any and gave up after a few minutes. We dug our own pit in the sand, while commenting how weird it was because I just saw the fire pits when I was there a few weeks earlier. Oh well, whatever, let’s dig a hole.

It was pretty windy out, but we managed to get the fire going. We laid out on the sand, cracked open some beers and a bottle of wine, listened to classic acoustic hits on Pandora, and caught up with each other. It was cold and breezy but the good company and roaring fire was making it an enjoyable evening.

And then a man emerged from the darkness and approached us. He clicked on a flashlight as he got near, revealing himself to be a cop. He asked what we were doing and where we were from. We answered by saying that we were having a fire and that we were locals. He retorted with, “Well, if you’re locals how come you didn’t know that fire season is over? Didn’t you think it was weird that you couldn’t find any fire pits?”

Ugh. Damnit. We failed. The cop went on to lecture us for a while before giving us an ultimatum: either get a citation or go to jail. We chose the citation. We turned off the music, sadly poured our precious booze over our beautiful fire, covered the embers with sand, and slinked away.

We walked in darkness back to the car. We glanced back over our shoulders and saw the cop approaching another bonfire. Those flames slowly died out as another citation was given. Cars get broken into, houses get robbed, people get killed, but rest assured the police are making bonfires on the beach a top priority. Your tax dollars at work.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Random Rants

Front Row Seat to a DUI

I’ve never been arrested for driving under the influence but one time I had a front row seat to a DUI. I was with my friend at a work party and we both got a little tipsy. We left the party early to go watch the second season premiere of True Blood. About halfway  back to my house, my friend noticed a cop in his rear view window. He started to freak out a bit, telling me that he knew he was being followed and that he was going to be pulled over. I told him to relax and focus on the road. Then the cop put his lights on and pulled us over. So much for consoling him.

The officer gave my friend a breathalyzer and within minutes he was in the back of the cop car. Then the cop asked if I was ok to drive my friend’s car home. I said no because I know entrapment when I see it. He told me to call a cab or take a bus home even though I had a perfectly functioning skateboard with me. I asked my friend if he needed anything, like for me to call his roommates or a pack of cigarettes for bartering in jail. He told me he was ok and I reluctantly left him in the clutches of the police. 

I went home and watched True Blood, but I couldn’t enjoy it. It wasn’t because I felt guilty that my friend was in the drunk tank. It was because that second season of True Blood was terrible. DUIs suck. I’m glad that I’ve only witnessed them and never experienced one for myself. Don’t drink and drive. You could kill yourself or an innocent bystander and it’s hard to watch HBO shows when you’re behind bars. 

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under People I Feel Sorry For, Random Rants