Tag Archives: beard

My Facial Hair

I would like to tell you about my facial hair. It won’t take long because I barely have any. I’m incapable of growing a beard or sideburns. My sideburns consist of six little hairs on both sides of my face. My beard consists of seven hairs scattered across my chin and one hair poking out of the top of my neck. The hairs don’t grow very fast either. I could let it grow for two months and they would still look like stubble. It’s actually faster for me to pluck my beard with tweezers than to shave it. I have a little bit of a soul patch under my bottom lip. It’s not much but it’s nicer looking than my beard. I can grow a mustache, but I don’t because it looks beyond sleazy. Not like ’70s porn star sleazy, like convicted child molester sleazy. I’ve been asked by multiple people to not participate in Movember. My facial hair offends them.

Critically Rated at 3/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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My Boss Has Nice Facial Hair

My boss has nice facial hair. No, seriously. His name is Jesus Treviño and he’s a finalist for the title of Best Facial Hair in the Country by Wahl Grooming. It might be a marketing gimmick, but it’s still pretty impressive to see his nicely manicured face fuzz getting some well-deserved recognition. I woke up this morning to a nice article about him in the local paper. I included the link to the article below. The article also has a link to the official Wahl Grooming voting page. I don’t vote for presidents, but I voted for Jesus. You should too. Jesus Treviño is an awesome manager and a better person and he deserves to win something. He was always picked last in gym class and now it’s his time to shine. Please take a minute out of you day and vote for him. Vote for Jesus and save your soul.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

http://www.sfgate.com/living/article/Jesus-Trevino-SF-facial-hair-6625733.php

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The Fake Mustache Trend

I’ve been experiencing the Outside Lands festival the last few days, and I’ve noticed a disturbing new trend. A lot of girls were rocking fake mustaches. I don’t know why. Maybe they think it’s fun and charming. Maybe they want to deter guys from talking to them. Either way it looks stupid. Most guys can’t even pull off real mustaches, what makes you think you can? I don’t understand the fake mustache trend. Fake sideburns are way cooler, and nothing tops a faux Lincoln beard.

Critically Rated at 5/17

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