Tag Archives: arachnophobia

Arachnophobia

Arachnophobia is a fear of spiders. It’s also a movie starring Jeff Daniels and John Goodman. The movie is so-so. The fear is far more interesting. Spiders are among the creepiest of crawlies, so it’s only natural to harbor a passionate hatred for them. Spiders walk along walls and cling to ceilings. They spin webs, have pincers, and inject humans with venom. They stalk you in the night and they can sense fear. They seem innocent enough but you just can’t trust them. Some people have tarantulas as pets and I don’t know why. They aren’t real pets. They can’t be domesticated. Cats can’t even be domesticated, but for some reason some jackoffs think that they can tame an arachnid. Spiders should be squashed, not celebrated.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Spider on the Wall

I’m not arachnophobic or anything, but that spider on the wall has got to go. He’s slowly creeping along, acting like he owns the place. This is my room and you are not welcome here. You’re always making spider webs in the ceiling corners and in my closet. I don’t even know how one spider can make so many webs. So fuck you, spider on the wall. I could trap you with a cup and a piece of paper and set you free outside, but I prefer squishing you with a piece of toilet paper and leaving your guts smeared on my wall as a warning to your eight legged brethren.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Walking into a Spider Web

I’m not afraid of spiders. I don’t want them crawling on me or biting me or anything, but I’m not arachnophobic. My spellcheck says arachnophobic isn’t a word, but it should be. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, I’m not scared of spiders. But walking into a spider web is one of the worst feelings in the world. It’s a creepy feeling to get touched by something invisible. You can’t see what’s attacking you; you just feel little ghost strands clinging to your skin.

Critically Rated at 4/17

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