Man likey fire. Man likey fire for warmth. Man likey fire for light. Man likey fire for cook cook. Fire is like nature’s robot. Man wants to treat it like a tool. We think that we can harness it and control it, and then nature decides to show us up and release fire’s full power upon us from time to time. Fire is Skynet. Humans are ignorant and can pretend that we are in charge of fire, but then a wildfire will break out and destroy thousands of homes and displace thousands and thousands of people. That’s not a joke, it’s tragic when thousands of people are suddenly uprooted because of a natural disaster. We use water and fire everyday in our homes, but flashfloods and wildfires destroy lives. We can use nature to our benefit, but we are at its mercy.

Humans could not have advanced as far as we have without being able to create fire. But we will never be able to control it. We can practice fire safety and light fires in designated spots like in a fireplace or in a fire pit. Smokey the Bear can tell you to give a matchbook or a lighter to an adult. We can have fire extinguishers and alarm systems in place but if a fire breaks out that shit will spread like an STD from Lindsay Lohan (coincidently, she is a firecrotch).

Fire is comfort though. It’s seductive. There’s nothing like a romantic evening by the fire. The right usage of candles can get anyone laid. Some of my best memories are sitting around campfires or bonfires with a few close friends and a good girlfriend. Watching the flames sputter and crackle is hypnotic, therapeutic, and surprisingly entertaining.

Sitting by the fire will make you contemplate things… like is fire a solid or a liquid? It’s neither, it’s an endothermic reaction and I don’t need Wikipedia to tell me that. Sorry, I just wanted to show off my Cash Cab skills. I also know that lighters were invented before matches. That’s worth a few bonus points.

Fire is awesome. It is hot, dangerous, and unpredictable, just like me. It plays by its own rules, just like me. You have to respect fire or it will bitchslap you in the face, just like me. You have to love and hate it and embrace it and fear it simultaneously, just like Justin Beiber. Fire makes hot dogs taste better and keeps monsters away. Fire is essential and it affects us every day, for better or worse. Fire. Fire. Fire.

Critically Rated at 17/17

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