Teen Wolf (film)

Rod Daniel directs Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf. Michael J. Fox plays Scott Howard, an average teenager who wishes he wasn’t so average. And then he finds out he’s a werewolf. It’s a coming of age story and it’s also a werewolf comedy. People did a lot of cocaine in the ‘80s.

Scott plays for his shitty high school basketball team. He likes a girl named Pamela, but she’s dating a jerk/jock/bully named Mick. He doesn’t notice that his friend Boof has a crush on him. Boof is a stupid name. I hate it. Scott also has a party animal friend named Stiles.

Scott starts to notice changes. Not your standard puberty stuff, but sometimes he grows claws or gets pointy ears or suddenly has fur. It turns out that he’s a werewolf. This movie is different from most werewolf movies because his condition is genetic. He wasn’t bitten by a werewolf, he was always had werewolf genes thanks to his werewolf father. Werewolves aren’t uncontrollable monsters. They are just furry people who are good at basketball for some reason.

Scott uses his werewolfism to win games and become more popular. And you better believe there are multiple montages showcasing how awesome being a teen wolf is. He even gets laid by his dream girl, but she turns out to be a bitch.

Scott eventually realizes that there’s a downside to being a werewolf, and he’s not sure how to handle his popularity. He loses sight of who he is for a while, but eventually decides he needs to tame the wolf. So he plays the championship game as his regular human self (his tiny human self). And somehow the team wins. Because it’s Hollywood and little white people are amazing at basketball. And he finds happiness and love with Boof, the girl who loved him all along.

I think the message of the movie is clear: ignore what makes you special and unique and act like everyone else and you will be happy.

Mark Holton plays Chubby, one of the teammates on the basketball team. Here is a well-developed character. His name is Chubby and he is chubby. His locker is filled with food and snacks, because fat people stash food everywhere. He even plays in a game while eating an apple. Anyone who thinks Hollywood has shoddy writers needs to study Chubby’s character arc.

Teen Wolf is not the best werewolf movie. It doesn’t try to be. It doesn’t take itself seriously. I don’t know how or why it was made, but people did a lot of cocaine in the ‘80s. I’ve seen this movie a pretty decent amount of times. It’s on TV a lot. If you see it, check it out.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Leave a comment

Filed under Entertainment

Say something

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s