Tag Archives: teen comedy

Teen Wolf (film)

Rod Daniel directs Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf. Michael J. Fox plays Scott Howard, an average teenager who wishes he wasn’t so average. And then he finds out he’s a werewolf. It’s a coming of age story and it’s also a werewolf comedy. People did a lot of cocaine in the ‘80s.

Scott plays for his shitty high school basketball team. He likes a girl named Pamela, but she’s dating a jerk/jock/bully named Mick. He doesn’t notice that his friend Boof has a crush on him. Boof is a stupid name. I hate it. Scott also has a party animal friend named Stiles.

Scott starts to notice changes. Not your standard puberty stuff, but sometimes he grows claws or gets pointy ears or suddenly has fur. It turns out that he’s a werewolf. This movie is different from most werewolf movies because his condition is genetic. He wasn’t bitten by a werewolf, he was always had werewolf genes thanks to his werewolf father. Werewolves aren’t uncontrollable monsters. They are just furry people who are good at basketball for some reason.

Scott uses his werewolfism to win games and become more popular. And you better believe there are multiple montages showcasing how awesome being a teen wolf is. He even gets laid by his dream girl, but she turns out to be a bitch.

Scott eventually realizes that there’s a downside to being a werewolf, and he’s not sure how to handle his popularity. He loses sight of who he is for a while, but eventually decides he needs to tame the wolf. So he plays the championship game as his regular human self (his tiny human self). And somehow the team wins. Because it’s Hollywood and little white people are amazing at basketball. And he finds happiness and love with Boof, the girl who loved him all along.

I think the message of the movie is clear: ignore what makes you special and unique and act like everyone else and you will be happy.

Mark Holton plays Chubby, one of the teammates on the basketball team. Here is a well-developed character. His name is Chubby and he is chubby. His locker is filled with food and snacks, because fat people stash food everywhere. He even plays in a game while eating an apple. Anyone who thinks Hollywood has shoddy writers needs to study Chubby’s character arc.

Teen Wolf is not the best werewolf movie. It doesn’t try to be. It doesn’t take itself seriously. I don’t know how or why it was made, but people did a lot of cocaine in the ‘80s. I’ve seen this movie a pretty decent amount of times. It’s on TV a lot. If you see it, check it out.

Critically Rated at 12/17

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Fast Times at Ridgemont High

I’m trying to write a decent review of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, but Phoebe Cates is demonstrating a blowjob on a carrot and I can’t concentrate. Goddamn, I miss the ‘80s.

Teen movies are a hit or miss. Fast Times is a hit. If you do a movie about high school right it stays relevant. Cameron Crowe (Almost Famous, Jerry Maguire) wrote the script and Amy Heckerling (Clueless) directs this teen comedy about a couple of students trying to survive the school year at Ridgemont High.

Like most high school movies, sex is what drives the plot. They portray sex as being something special, something common, something scary, something fun… It all depends on the character. Stacy is inexperienced and doesn’t want to be. Rat is inexperienced and wants to be. Mike is inexperienced and pretends he’s not. Linda is experienced but not by much.

Fast Times launched the careers of Sean Penn, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Judge Reinhold, Forrest Whitaker, Nicholas Cage, and Phoebe Cates. Sorry Shannon Elizabeth, but Phoebe Cates coming out of the pool is the sexiest teen movie scene ever. This is why cinema was invented. There is a decent amount of nudity in this movie. It’s unusual because it is a female director making a comedy geared towards teenage boys, and the two main female characters have nude scenes. They aren’t demeaning scenes, but it doesn’t do much for women empowerment.

Mike Damone is a great character. Kudos to Robert Romanus for his portrayal of the sleazy and cool Mike Damone. He seems so cool and confident, offering Rat pretty solid advice on talking to girls. He is a bookie and ticket scalper, and acts like a badass. But that’s just what it is: an act. He is just another confused high school kid trying to be more grownup than he is. He makes mistakes and doesn’t own up to them. He is an asshole to Stacy, but you still can’t hate him.

Brian Backer plays Rat, the naïve nice boy who just can’t win. He is the only character that stays true to himself. He likes Stacy, tries to woo her, has a chance and blows it, and he still doesn’t give up and gets her in the end. But he stays a virgin. That’s kind of a change of pace from most high school movies where they vow to pop their cherry and finally do.

Sean Penn plays Spicoli, the school stoner. He does typical movie stoner things like ordering a pizza to class (way before Zack Morris). He has his moments, like crashing Jefferson’s car and framing the rival school so he takes it out on them. Sean Penn is a good actor. Not in this movie. He plays a funny character, but he plays it extremely over the top. He is nonfunctional, an idiot. It is insulting to stoners. Go watch Harold and Kumar, those are real stoners, not stereotypes. I like Spicoli’s character, just not Penn’s portrayal of him.

This is a movie about high school students and high school. Fittingly there is an absence of parents. Stacy and Brad’s parents always seem to be out of town. Spicoli’s annoying brother relays messages from his parents to Spicoli. There are only a few adults shown, and they are mostly authority figures like managers or teachers. Mr. Hand is a great character. We all had a teacher like him: a strict hardass that you dislike at first and then grow to respect.

Even if you’ve never seen Fast Times, you have heard of it and see references to it all the time in popular media. The Phoebe Cates pool scene is heavily parodied. If you’ve ever called someone a “wuss,” that comes directly from Fast Times. A couple decades later, American Pie would bring us “MILF”. That is a legacy of a good teen movie: bringing new catchphrases to the world.

This is a classic teen movie, up there with Porky’s and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. This movie came out thirty years ago, and high school kids are still relating to it. Just like they will in another thirty years.

Critically Rated at 14/17

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