Tag Archives: status

Status Hacked

I trust my friends but I would never leave my iPhone unattended with them. That’s the best way to get status hacked. Status hacked is when somebody updates your status with something that makes you look foolish. It’s the social media equivalent of a Kick Me sign on your back. I once status hacked one of my managers. He left his phone out, so I picked it up, logged into his Facebook account, and updated his status to say, “I hate these damn hemorrhoids, I just want to ride my bike again!” It’s a reference to The Simpsons, but he didn’t know that and he wasn’t too happy with me. I almost got fired. It was worth it. All his Facebook contacts thought he had hemorrhoids. Hilarious.

Status hacking is a dangerous game. If you do it somebody, you should expect them to reciprocate. Retaliation is expected, and you deserve it. Remember that they are going to try to one-up you and post something even more embarrassing. Choose your opponent wisely. The best place to be in the middle of a status hack war is on the sidelines. It’s important to like and comment in order to ensure that the hacked status shows up in as many newsfeeds as possible and make that shit go viral.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Liking Your Own Status

Liking your own status is presumptuous. It’s not proper netiquette. If your status is worthy of being Liked, then someone will Like it. You don’t need to click the Like Button yourself to get it started. That’s what bums do. A panhandler will put a dollar in his cup, because it breaks the seal and other people will be more likely to give a donation. Liking your own status is like putting a dollar in your cup.  It also makes you seem full of yourself. Remember the story of Narcissus? He was so full of himself that he fell in love with his reflection. He couldn’t stop looking at himself and he wasted away and died. If he were alive today, he would be Liking his own Facebook status. That’s what narcissists do.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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