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Souvenirs are the little knickknacks you get for friends and family members when you go on vacation. It’s a way of bragging about where you’ve been and pretending you were thinking about them when you were drinking margaritas under the sun. Most of the time souvenirs are display items that you’ll never use like magnets, key chains, shot glasses, and decorative spoons. Sometimes you get a postcard. That’s good for 30 seconds of reading one or two times before you stick it in a drawer and forget about it. Sometimes you get a shirt that you’ll never wear, because every time someone sees South Dakota on your shirt and asks about South Dakota you’ll have to explain that it was just a souvenir and you’ve never been to South Dakota, and nobody wants to talk about South Dakota more than they have to, so it’s just better to let the South Dakota shirt hang in the closet.

            If I were in charge of souvenir stands, I would make practical items. Power drills, toothbrushes, and clothes hampers for a start. Things that people need, stamped with a place they’ve only read about. If I can’t go to New Zealand, at least I can clean my gutters with my Auckland pressure hose.

Critically Rated at 9/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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