Tag Archives: safe

June 23, 2014 · 9:25 pm

Hotel Safe

A hotel safe is a safe in a hotel room. It’s usually in the closet. I don’t trust the hotel safe. It just seems kind of shady. You’re in a strange new city and you’re expected to keep your most precious valuables in a safe that’s reprogrammed hundreds of times each year. I always feel like the maid is just waiting to swipe your iPad, cash, and passport. I’d rather hide my shit under the mattress or in the pocket of a rolled up pair of jeans in my suitcase. That’s probably not secure either but it still gives me more peace of mind. Do you trust hotel safes? Would you keep your birth certificate or Social Security card in one? Fuck that jazz.
Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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August 30, 2013 · 8:47 am

Drunk Compass

Almost everybody has a built-in drunk compass to guide them home when they are blacked out. It comes in handy when it’s 3:17 a.m. and you have work the next day. You just want to sleep in your own bed, and that’s when you have to surrender to your drunk compass. Your drunk compass knows how to navigate the public transportation system. It knows how to hail you a cab. It knows the best way home. It keeps you from losing your bag and your keys and phone and wallet. It keeps you from going down dark alleyways in bad neighborhoods. Unfortunately, some people are not in tune with their drunk compass. They either ignore it or can’t use it properly and they find themselves in sticky situations, both literally and figuratively. You have to respect your drunk compass. Let it guide you. Let it carry you home. But never abuse it, neglect it, or take it for granted. Your drunk compass will save your life.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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June 2, 2013 · 10:41 am

Kick the Can

Kick the Can is a children’s game that is similar to Hide & Seek, only more extreme. The best time to play is at night and when you are twelve years old. You gather all the kids in the neighborhood as soon as it gets dark and someone is selected to be It. Everyone else hides, and whoever is It has to start looking for everyone else. Whenever It finds somebody, he has to say the person’s name and hiding place, “I see Casey behind the tree.” If it’s Casey hiding behind the tree, then Casey is in jail until someone kicks the can and frees him. But let’s say it wasn’t Casey, it was Steve hiding behind the tree… then Steve can still hide behind the tree until It calls him by his real name. If you are stuck in jail, you can only be freed if someone kicks the can before whoever is It says, “I see So and So running for the can!” Kick the Can is one of the great games of my childhood. Too bad kids today don’t go outside unless the internet is down. They are missing out.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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