Tag Archives: comeback

Comebacks

I am a dude and dudes have a tendency to communicate with insults and putdowns. We try to belittle and embarrass each other in order to impress each other. It’s not bullying, it’s bonding. When somebody makes fun of you, that’s an open window for you to make fun of them back. It’s important to have a couple of comebacks in your arsenal. If someone talks shit about your shoes, you should say that it was all their mom could afford. If they make fun of your hairstyle, you should say that it’s how their mom likes it. Those are witty comebacks. And remember, you can always replace their mom with another family member. Mixing it up keeps your comebacks fresh.

Lazy comebacks are the worst. Those are when you repeat back their insult with a slight twist. You’re not going to impress anyone if they say that you’re stupid and you say that they’re dumb. The point of a comeback is to regain the respect your opponent just stole from you. If you can’t say anything clever, than shut the fuck up and accept defeat. It’s better in the long run.

Sometimes comebacks don’t even have to be targeted at the other person. You can a self-deprecating comeback. Insulting yourself more than they insulted you can be just as effective as insulting them. If they call you ugly, tell them you’re aware of the situation and that’s why you don’t take selfies. You’ll get a bigger laugh than they did and they won’t have a good response. They will be lazy if they continue to call you ugly and they can’t switch to a different insult. The self-deprecating comeback is a great defense, but you have to be cautious when insulting yourself. Don’t say that you wet the bed or anything like that.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Wiener

There comes a time in your life when you have to stand for something, and I’ve decided that I’m bringing wiener back. It was an awesome insult on the playground that we stopped using as we gradually learned harsher cuss words and better comebacks. But it still holds merit, and more importantly, it’s fun to say. Try it. Refer to your roommates as those wieners that you live with. See how good that feels? See how liberating it is? Go up to a random guy on the street and call him a wiener. He’ll either start laughing or he’ll beat the shit out of you. He’ll just be confused most likely. It’s interchangeable with asshole, but not as scathing. It’s a friendlier way of saying fuck you. And it’s coming back. I’ve decided it.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Cumsniffer

I like to insult people and I like to be original while I’m doing it. My new insult of choice is to call people a cumsniffer. I think it’s a tremendous juxtaposition with a nice balance and pleasant ring to it. And it’s simply delightful to say. Try it. Cumsniffer. It rolls off the tongue. It’s pretty versatile because it’s so vague. Does it mean that you snort semen or did you just catch a whiff of jizz? Next time someone is verbally attacking you, respond with this clever comeback and watch them shut the fuck up. They can’t talk shit if their jaw is dropped. Cumsniffer is interchangeable with motherfucker. For more emphasis you can call someone a shit-eating cumsniffer, or perhaps a titty-fucking cumsniffer if you really want to confuse them.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Random Rants