Tag Archives: bar

Coming Home Drunk With Prizes

Last night was my friend’s birthday party. She celebrated at a bar and we all got shitfaced. I made it home with my phone, keys, and wallet… everything that I left with, I came back with. I also came back with someone’s container of weed. It’s not mine, I didn’t buy it, I didn’t steal it. Someone who was drunker than me gave it to my drunk ass and I can’t remember who. But now it’s mine.  It sucks when you lose something while drinking, but gaining something makes you feel like it was a productive night. Coming home drunk with prizes from the bar is better than coming home sober with prizes from the county fair.

Critically Rated at 15/17

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Being a Regular

A lot of places use a system for remembering if you are a regular patron to that particular establishment. A lot of coffee shops, sandwich spots, and burger joints will use a janky card that you use to punch out a hole with each purchase and your tenth hole is a free meal. Fuck that. The only place worth being a regular is at a bar. If a bartender knows you and recognizes you (and knows that you tip), you will get your drinks faster and stronger and occasionally free. Being a regular means you are established, that they know you. When you go into a place and they ask if you want the usual, you feel special. You also feel like a drunken loser who goes to the same spot way too much, but it’s nice to feel welcomed. You feel like you’re in Cheers or at Moe’s Tavern.

Critically Rated at 12/17

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Waiting for Friends to Come to the Bar

People like to drink things (like beer and liquor). People like to celebrate things (like birthdays and promotions). It only makes sense that people sometimes chose to celebrate things by getting drunk. Having a party at a bar is a lot easier than having to get enough food and drinks for all your friends and you don’t have to clean up after. Someone will say that everyone’s meeting at the bar at 10:30, and you decide you will get there half an hour later so you wont be the first one there.

But the universe knows that you were thinking that, so when you show up half and hour late, you are still there before everyone else. Waiting for friends to come to the bar is an art. You have to grab a drink, because you can’t be empty-handed when people do show up. You sip it slowly and whip out your phone to pass the time. You’ll text a few friends and tell them to hurry up. You just hope that nobody is watching you, wondering about the quiet guy in the corner who is obviously alone on a Saturday night.

Time flies when you’re having fun, but it comes to a standstill when you’re waiting for friends to come to the bar. You’ll glance at the time, look around the room, answer a text, have a sip or two of your drink, and glance at the time again and it’s still the same time. So you take another sip, read a coaster, pretend to be watching the game on TV, and look at the time again and it’s still the same time.

The only good thing about waiting for people to show up is that you have access to lots and lots of booze. Maybe waiting at the bar isn’t so bad after all.

Critically Rated at 8/17

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Just One Drink

Just one drink at the bar is never just one drink. One drink turns into two drinks, which turns into four drinks, and before you know it, you are shitfaced and the bar is closing. The problem is approaching the bar with that “I’m only going to have a drink” mentality. It’s like approaching a grocery store, you have to know which particular thing you want, or you end up filling your cart. If you only want a beer or a gin & tonic, that’s ok. That is something specific that you came into the bar for. If you just want a drink, no matter what you get you are still unsatisfied, you are still thirsty. After whatever the first round is, you feel the need to switch it up and get something harder. If you started with beer, now it’s time for a jack and coke. If you started with a jack and coke, now it’s time for a shot. If you started with a shot, it’s time to double fist and take a random pill.

Most of the time when I get just one drink, it’s to kill time after work. I’ll go to the local dive bar and grab a drink and bitch about customers. And then someone will call or text and say that they are on their way. So I have to have just one more drink with them. It’s only polite, right?

Critically Rated at 9/17

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