Turning Thirty

It’s my birthday today. You don’t have to get me anything; I just want you to know that it’s my birthday. And it’s kind of a milestone. It’s my thirtieth. The big 3-0. The Dirty Thirty. My twenties are over. It’s the start of a new era. Your thirties can be whatever you want them to be. I want mine to be a lot like my twenties, but with more money. A lot more.

My birthday has been pretty uneventful so far. I woke up, I took a shit, I took a shower, I drank a beer, I hung out with my roommates and we watched internet videos, I drank another beer, and then I left the house to run some errands before I go out of town for a weekend wedding in San Diego.

One of the things I had to do was pick up my rental suit. I was trying it on and the lady asked if I was going to prom on Saturday. I told her it was for a wedding. She apologized and I told her that I just turned thirty so I’d take it as a compliment. Her jaw dropped. The best part was when a high school senior approached me in disbelief. “You’re thirty?!? I’m seventeen. You look like a baby.”

I’m thirty. I don’t feel like a baby. But I know that I have good genes and alcohol makes a great preservative. In fact, I plan on drinking copious amounts of alcohol tonight while I watch the Giants hopefully beat the Dodgers. Nothing makes a better birthday gift than beating LA.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young


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