March 17th is Saint Patrick’s Day, or St. Paddy’s for short. It once was a holiday that commemorates the death date of the patron saint of Ireland, but now it’s a drinking holiday like Cinco de Mayo. Saint Patrick’s Day has a lot of traditions for a pseudo-holiday. It has an official meal: corn beef and hash. It has a seasonal plant associated with it: shamrocks. It has an official candy: chocolate gold coins. It has a religious background that gradually became commercialized and forgotten. On St. Paddy’s Day everybody pretends to be Irish, and for some reason that involves consuming copious amounts of Guinness, Jameson, and Car Bombs, and making up some bullshit about Leprechauns to distract little kids from all the drinking that’s going on. The most important thing to remember about St. Patrick’s Day is to wear green. If you don’t, people will pinch you. I will pinch you. You can’t lie and say that you’re wearing green underwear. Everybody knows you don’t wear any underwear. So sport some green, drink some stout, and have some fun. Just because it’s a fake holiday doesn’t meant you can’t enjoy it.
Critically Rated at 13/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young