Shit is everywhere. It gets around. Everyday you have to worry about stepping in dog shit and getting shit on your finger when you wipe. You’re so preoccupied with shit on the ground or the toilet seat that you completely forget about getting shit on from above. That’s why bird shit is so deadly; an aerial bombardment of avian fecal matter can happen unexpectedly and ruin your day. It will get in your hair, splash on your face, land in your drink… getting shat on is a terrible feeling. But it’s a tremendous feeling when is happens to someone else. You’ll try to sympathize but you’re laughing too hard for them to believe you. Bird shit is commonly found on statues, parked cars, and recently cleaned windows. If you haven’t been bird shat on yet, you’re due and it’s gonna be a big one. Keep a wet nap handy.
Critically Rated at 7/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
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