There isn’t really anything more annoying and embarrassing than having the hiccups. Hiccups are an awesome example of onamonapia. It sounds like what it is. Hiccups are repeated audible spasms of your diaphragm. It’s your body’s way of making everyone look at you when you don’t want them to. Whenever you get the hiccups, some jerk will inevitably come up to you and say, “Oh, you got the hiccups, huh?” It’s like playing solitaire; some asshole feels the need to interrupt you to point out the obvious.

Everyone has their own secret remedy for getting rid of the hiccups. Your mom would advise you to hold your breath, count to ten, drink water, or drink water upside down with a spoon to your temple. Your dad always tried to scare them out of you. The terrifying thing is that nothing is fool proof and you can get stuck with the hiccups for days, weeks, months and sometimes years. People actually get the hiccups and never get rid of them until the day they day. I think about that every time I get the drunken hiccups and I wanna get rid of them as quickly as possible. Drunken hiccups are even worse than regular hiccups. Not only do you have the fucking hiccups, but everyone thinks you’re an amateur.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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