Tag Archives: toothpick

Counting Toothpicks

A few years ago my friend was at my house and he knocked over a cup of toothpicks. The toothpicks fell on the floor and scattered everywhere. He looked down at the mess he created and said, “Aw man, I just dropped thirty-two toothpicks on the ground!”

I thought that was an oddly specific thing to say, so I counted the toothpicks. Lo and behold, there were exactly thirty-two toothpicks. I was amazed. A real life Rain Man in my own home! I had to test his skills. I grabbed a handful of change from my dresser, threw the coins on the floor, and asked him how many coins there were.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I just guessed how many toothpicks there were.”

And just like that, my sense of wonder shriveled away. I was duped. There is no magic in the world. Well played, Jon. Well played.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Free Samples at Costco

One of the best things about Costco is the free samples. You walk around Costco and get rewarded with bite-sized snacks throughout the store. It’s always a surprise what you will get to try. Sometimes you get bagel dogs, sometimes it’s a type of yogurt, and if you’re lucky you get ice cream or something sweet. The free samples are great, but you start to get greedy. You’ll try to get a second helping of the microwave borscht. Something won’t be quite ready but you’ll linger around pretending not to wait by reading the labels of surrounding products that you’ll never buy. You’ll ask the sample-giver stupid questions, like if it’s gluten-free or low sodium. You don’t give a fuck. They know you don’t give a fuck.

I wonder if anyone has ever brought their own toothpick to Costco… That would be classy.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Snacks

Toothpicks

A quick visit to Wikipedia told me that toothpicks are the oldest known dental instrument, and predate the arrival of early modern humans, and were even used by Neanderthals. Knowledge is power, arm yourself with that. A lot of people like to chew on toothpicks. Even when they don’t have anything stuck between their teeth. It’s kind of weird to constantly have a toothpick in your mouth. You don’t see people sucking on toothbrushes all day long. The best toothpicks are the ones with a little cube of cheese on it.

Critically Rated at 11/17

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