I’m at that stage in life where my friends that I grew up with have started popping out babies. And so you have to come over and meet the baby. The proud mother and father introduce you to their little bundle of joy, and they expect you to coo and make a fuss over how cute the little rascal is. I know what to say to the parents. You just gotta compare the baby to them: “Awww, she has your eyes. You’re lucky she doesn’t have his nose.” But what I don’t like is when they expect you to talk to the baby. What are you supposed to say? The baby can’t hold a conversation, it’s a fucking baby. It’s not even listening to me; it’s too busy shitting itself. I end up with a fake ass ear-to-ear smile, saying “Hello” and “Hi there” over and over again, each time in a higher pitched voice. I’m not saying I don’t like your baby… I just don’t want to have an awkward one-sided conversation with a person that’s closer to a fetus than a toddler.
Critically Rated at 8/17
criticallyrated 