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Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

You can’t stop the end of the word from happening. Just ask John Connor. You also can’t stop a studio from making unnecessary sequels. Just ask anyone who saw this movie. Arnold Schwarzenegger is back for another installment, but James Cameron is missing. Linda Hamilton is missing. Edward Furlong is missing. It seems like a very empty class reunion with a bunch of imposters standing in for your friends.

T3 starts off with John Connor (played by Nick Stahl this time) recapping his life story. Judgment Day didn’t happen when they said it would happen, Sarah Connor is dead, and now he lives off-the-grid, doing construction work and dropping beer bottles off bridges.

Skynet sends back a T-X model terminator (Kristanna Loken) to track down John Connor’s future lieutenants because they can’t find John Connor. It pays to live off-the-grid. The human fighters send back another Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger) to protect the lieutenants and John. One of the lieutenants is Kate Brewster (Claire Danes), who works at an animal hospital. John crashes his motorcycle and breaks into the animal hospital for some animal medication, and he has a reunion with Kate. It turns out that John and Kate shared a kiss the day before the events of the second movie. John was just too busy running around avoiding death to mention that he got some loving the night before.

The T-X crashes the party and tries to kill them. But then the Terminator shows up and saves them. And then there’s a huge chase scene with driverless cop cars and fire trucks and a big ass cranemobile and utter destruction.

John and Kate plus the Terminator escape and go to visit Sarah Connor’s gravesite. But it’s not a gravesite. It’s a weapons cache. The cops show up and the T-X shows up and there’s a huge gun battle in the middle of the cemetery. Our trynamic trio escapes in a hearse. Its really impressive symbolism, staging an explosive firefight in a place associated with death is an affirmation of life (that’s meant to be sarcasm, not to be profound).

The Terminator spews out a bunch of facts he was withholding until now, because now it’s time to advance the plot. John and Kate get married in the future and they have a couple of kids. And John got killed in the future by the same Terminator that is protecting him now. Oh, and today is Judgment Day.

Kate’s dad is in the military, and he’s in charge of a bunch of computer programs and projects, one of which is Skynet. Skynet has already become self-aware and is now slowly taking over. John, Kate, and Arnie show up to warn him about Skynet but the T-X shows up and shoots him. He tells John and Kate to go to an old military base to stop the inevitable.

The Terminator gets corrupted by the T-X and almost kills John, but he doesn’t cause that would end the movie and any chance for a sequel. Instead he shuts himself down and lets John and Kate escape. They get to the military base and there’s one last robot fight before John and Kate realize that they are in a fallout shelter. Kate’s dad sent them there to save them from the nuclear attacks. Judgment Day was unavoidable after all.

It’s kind of weird that the third movie is all about Judgment Day and that was the name of the second movie. It’s like if they spent a bunch of time talking about the Empire striking back in Return of the Jedi. What’s really weird is that the first three movies in the franchise are built around an actor who doesn’t play the main character or even the same character. Terminator is about Sarah Connor. T2 is about John and Sarah Connor. T3 is about John Connor. Arnie doesn’t even play the same robot in all three. He plays the same model robot, but each one is a new character.

The movie makes a lot of references to the first two movies. There are a few inside jokes and recreated shots. But they also ignore a lot of the rules that the first movies established. Important rules too, like not being able to send back explosive weapons. The T-X has built-in blaster guns. She can also control machines and change her appearance. She is so technologically advanced she is magic.

This is not a bad movie. It’s just a bad idea to make another sequel without the majority of the cast from the earlier installments returning. And excluding key characters like Sarah Connor. Sarah Connor is the heart of the Terminator franchise. The general plot is good, but it’s missing the characters that you care about and the cast that you care about. You can’t make a Terminator movie without Arnold, but you can’t make one with just him either. And he looks old as fuck in this one.

Critically Rated at 11/17

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Terminator 2: Judgement Day

Terminator 2 is a perfect sequel. It takes everything cool about the first one and ups the ante and becomes a better movie than its predecessor. Not only is it a perfect sequel, but also it’s one of the best action movies of all time. James Cameron doesn’t just make movies, he makes blockbusters. Arnold Schwarzenegger plays another T-800 Terminator sent back in time, Linda Hamilton reprises her role as Sarah Connor, and Edward Furlong plays a 10-year-old John Connor.

The move takes place eleven years after the first one. Sarah Connor is in a nuthouse, because that’s where you go when you tell everyone about killer robots from the future. Her son John is the future leader of mankind and our only hope of survival against the killer robots, but for now he’s stuck living with foster parents. It kind of sucks when your mom’s insane and your dad hasn’t been born yet, and so John acts out and is a preteen rebel.

Skynet sends back a T-1000 model robot (Robert Patrick) to track down and kill John Connor. The future John Connor sends back an older model T-800 (Schwarzenegger) to protect kid John Connor. The T-800 is the same model as the killbot in the first movie and the T-1000 is liquid metal and can shapeshift and make stabbing weapons. When this movie came out, it was a big twist that Arnie was a good robot and that the other guy was a bad robot.

The T-800 rescues John from the T-1000. John realizes that his mom isn’t crazy and he and his new robot bodyguard go to free her from the nuthouse. Sarah Connor is in the middle of her own escape, and they have a happy little reunion. Sarah gets over her trust issues with the T-800 pretty quickly and they go on a road trip to Mexico.

Arnie tells Sarah and John all about Skynet and the end of the world. Sarah thinks the only way to avoid Judgment Day is to murder Miles Dyson (Joe Morton), the engineer most directly responsible for creating Skynet. She tries to kill him but can’t. When he learns about Judgment Day he decides to join the team and help Sarah prevent the end of the world. He takes the Connors and the T-800 to Cyberdyne to destroy everything related to Skynet, included the microchip and robot arm from the first movie.

The T-1000 shows up and there’s and epic battle. And the two robots fight and punch each other and you understand what it going on, unlike Transformers. Spoiler alert: they beat the T-1000. The T-800 learns human emotion and sacrifices himself to avoid Judgment Day.

Having a 10-year-old John Connor as one of the main characters could have been disastrous without the right casting. Kids are annoying and stupid and don’t belong in action blockbusters. Edward Furlong pulls it off though. He has a cocky street kid attitude that suits the role perfectly. Compare his performance to Jake Lloyd as Anakin Skywalker in The Phantom Menace. When you leave the theater you want to punch Anakin in the face and you want John Connor to save you when the robots come.

This is a great action movie. Every scene leads into the next one, they all are relevant and they all advance the plot. There’s a great flow and pacing and the action scenes are awesome. This was made in the glorious time where when you see a helicopter chasing a truck, you know that it’s a real fucking helicopter chasing a real fucking truck. The CG effects were cutting edge at the time, and even though they look cheesy now, the story makes up for it. It was a great action flick when it came out, and it still is over 20 years later.

Critically Rated at 16/17

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The Terminator

What if a killer machine from the future was sent back in time to kill the mother of mankind’s only hope? And what if he had an Austrian accent for some reason? Well, we find out in James Cameron’s The Terminator, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as the titular Austrian killbot, Linda Hamilton as the unlucky mother of mankind’s only hope, and Michael Biehn as the time-travelling protector/impregnator or the mother of mankind’s only hope.

The Terminator is a less of a sci-fi flick and more of a chase movie that involves robots and time travel. In the future, machines have taken over the world and a guy named John Connor leads mankind in a war against them. The machines send a Terminator back in time to kill Sarah Connor before she can give birth to John Connor, with the goal of wiping out their main enemy before he’s even a fetus. Future John Connor takes offense to this attempt at preemptive abortion attempt and so he sends back a soldier named Kyle Reese to protect his mom. The Terminator and Kyle both arrive in 1984 Los Angeles and both try to find Sarah Connor before the other one. Kyle finds Sarah just in time and saves her from the Terminator, and he tells her about the future and that the Austrian that tried to kill her is actually a robot assassin.

The Terminator comes back and there’s a car chase and they escape again. Kyle and Sarah get picked up by the LAPD. And then the Terminator comes back and Kyle rescues Sarah again and they go to a hotel. They make bombs and have sex and then the Terminator comes back again. And there’s another car chase. The Terminator gets caught up in an explosion and stops looking like an Austrian tourist and more like a shiny metal robotic skeleton. Sarah kills the Terminator and drives off to Mexico to begin the rest of her life as the mother of mankind’s last hope.

This is the start of the best franchise about time-travelling killer robots from the future. It wasn’t Arnold’s first movie, and it wasn’t James Cameron’s first movie, but it was the movie that made them household names. Arnold Schwarzenegger became a star, even though he hardly says anything and half the time his character is onscreen it’s a phony looking dummy or a robotic exoskeleton. The action scenes are still exciting, but the special effects are laughable. Stop-motion robots aren’t menacing. It makes the film seem very dated. The story makes up for it though. It’s a cheesy B-movie in a lot of ways, and that adds to the retro charm. James Cameron can make an exciting action movie without much of a budget. And when he has a budget, he makes some of the biggest films of all time. This guy knows how to manipulate an audience. I don’t know why a robot needs a laser site though.

This movie gave us James Cameron, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Terminator 2. For that, we must always be grateful. It also gave us “I’ll be back”… one of the greatest movie lines ever. One way to tell the significance of a movie is how often people quote it. Even today, jerks across the world spout that line before they embark on a beer run. Cheesy special effects can’t deter an interesting story and a master storyteller with an Austrian puppet from creating a cinematic icon. The Terminator is a classic.

Critically Rated at 12/17

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