I woke up this morning and took a nice, leisurely poop. That’s right, I took a shit and I took my time with it. I was in no rush. I sat on the pot and emptied my bowels for a good ten minutes. And then I stood up a few pounds lighter, wiped my ass, and flushed the toilet. And instantly started panicking because the water started to rise. No zombie or movie monster will ever equal the amount of dread that a clogged toilet provides. You start to see the rising muddy poo water reaching the edge of the bowl and you have to fight the instinct to push it down with your bare hands. Plungers are useless when the water starts to rise. All you can do is curse and swear and pray that it doesn’t overflow and create a fecal flood in the bathroom. You’ll be fine as long as the toilet water doesn’t spill over, but your social life can end with one unfortunate flush. So be cautious where and when you defecate, and try to avoid broken and clogged toilets.
Critically Rated at 3/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young
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