Stonewall’s Jerquee is a brand of vegetarian jerky. Yeah, they make vegetarian jerky. I don’t know why. It doesn’t make any sense to me. And when I saw such a bullshit product, I had to buy it to try it. They have a few different flavors of fake jerky and I decided to go with Original Mild, because why not. I just opened the bag and I’m already regretting this purchase. It comes in little pieces rounded pieces that look somewhat like meat, but with a funky smell that’s reminiscent of cheap dog food. I just took a bite. It tastes like dog food. It’s like a chewy, slightly moist kibble. It’s disgusting. I had to spit it out. I would have vomited if I actually swallowed it. There is no reason why a product like this should be allowed to exist. It’s foul, it’s revolting, and it’s completely unnecessary. Don’t ever buy this shit, not even out of curiosity. It’s the worst thing in the history of the world.
Critically Rated at 0/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young