Graham Cracker

Graham crackers were invented by a minister named Sylvester Graham. They were a fixture of a diet partially designed to curb masturbation. Seriously. You can’t make that shit up. He thought that eating bland food would suppress your carnal urges. A graham cracker is a lightly sweetened type of cracker that tastes almost like a cookie, except it’s slightly healthier for you. Graham crackers are a staple of children’s lunches and day care snack times around the world. They are a crucial part of your childhood. Your affection for graham crackers starts to wane once you hit puberty. Can you even remember the last time you had just a graham cracker and nothing else? S’mores don’t count. You haven’t had a graham cracker by itself since middle school, admit it.

Critically Rated at 11/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Filed under Snacks

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