Tag Archives: thorn

Brisingr (book)

Brisingr is the third installment of Christopher Paolini’s Inheritance Cycle, an epic saga of a young Dragon Rider named Eragon and his dragon, Saphira, as they take on the evil King Galbatorix and try to restore freedom to Middle-earth… I mean Alagaësia. Alagaësia is a land of magic, elves, dwarves, witches, and dragons. You can’t forget about the dragons.

The book starts off a few days after the events of the second book. Eragon and Saphira are helping Roran (Eragon’s cousin) rescue his bride-to-be from the clutches of the evil Ra’zac. They kick some ass and rescue Katrina and Eragon finally gets to kill the creatures that killed his uncle. Revenge is sweet.

Roran and Katrina consummate their relationship, and so there’s a slight rush to hurry up and tie the knot so as not to taint Katrina’s honor. Eragon performs the marriage ceremony, and then has to leave to oversee the election of the new Dwarf king. Eragon narrowly escapes an attempted assassination by a dwarf clan, which helps give Orik, his friend and ally, enough votes to secure the crown for himself.

Eragon realizes that he’s still pretty fucking stupid and weak compared to Galbatorix. So he and Saphira go back to Ellesméra for some additional training with his mentor Oromis and his dragon Glaedr. Oromis and Glaedr teach Eragon about the source of Galbatorix’s power. Long story short, he’s been collecting Eldunarya, which are basically dragon souls. Dragon souls are powerful and they make you more powerful. That is how Galbatorix was able to defeat the Dragon Riders and also how he’s able to control Murtagh and his dragon, Thorn.

Eragon also uses his time in Ellesméra to make a new sword, a proper sword. A Dragon Rider’s blade is like a light saber; it’s your personalized weapon. You can use someone else’s but it will never be as powerful as your own. It’s the same concept as the wand choosing the wizard. Eragon is able to manipulate the elven sword smith into making him a new sword, which he dubs Brisingr.

With a new sword in hand, Eragon and Saphira fly back to join the Varden as they are in the middle of a battle. Eragon and Saphira show up in the nick of time and they do some damage and kill soldiers and stuff. He rescues Arya from certain death and they discover some bad magicians trying to conjure up a Shade. And then Arya kills the Shade and there’s no damage done.

The first two books have a lot of parallels to A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back. They seemed like Star Wars meets Lord of the Rings. This book starts to take it in a new direction. For one thing, this book is a lot more political than the first two. Nasuada, the leader of the Varden, becomes more powerful politically and starts to play a bigger role. You get a glimpse of how the dwarves elect a king and how their society functions. Eragon has ties to the Varden, to the Dragon Riders, to the elves, to the dwarves… he must tread carefully and not step on any toes.

Eragon and Saphira spend a lot of time separated. The first two books they are practically always together. In Brisingr they are often on opposite sides of Alagaësia. There is a bond between a Dragon and its Rider, often times they act as one being. So when they are separated they feel a sense of isolation that in not fathomable.

The Inheritance Cycle will never be a classic like Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, or the Boxcar Children. But they are worth reading if you like magic and dragons and geeky shit like that. Christopher Paolini’s Alagaësia is a hodgepodge of fantasy clichés and characters. But he makes it his own. You will see a lot of similarities between his work and other works, but nothing is truly original anymore. Everything is a remix these days.

Critically Rated at 13/17

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Super Troopers

Super Troopers is a cult comedy classic about a group of highway patrolmen who pass the time terrorizing innocent civilians and abusing their power. They are the high school teacher who confiscates your stash and smokes in in the teacher’s lounge. It was written by and stars the Broken Lizard comedy group: Jay Chandrasekhar (who also directs), Kevin Heffernan, Steve Lemme, Paul Soter, and Erik Stolhanske.

The movie’s opening scene is one of the funniest scenes in cinema. Two of the Vermont State Troopers, Thorn and Rabbit (Chandrasekhar and Stolhanske) pull over three stoners and fuck with their heads. It’s the perfect introduction to the Super Troopers and how they run their stretch of highway.

If there’s anything that the troopers hate more than crime, it’s the local Spurbury Police Department. The troopers are facing budget cuts, while the SPD gets all the glory and job security. The troopers stumble into a potential drug smuggling operation and soon after a body turns up that could possible be connected.

The troopers must uncover the mystery before the SPD does. But it turns out that the SPD are in on the operation and provide protection for the smugglers. Can the Super Troopers get their shit together and expose the corrupt cops? You’ll just have to watch and find out.

Super Troopers starts out as a great comedy. The opening scene is hilarious, but it all goes downhill from there. It stops being funny about halfway through the movie when they have to actually advance the plot. There are quite a few funny scenes and moments, but 85% of them happen in the first forty-five minutes. A good comedy should be consistently funny and that’s where this movie fails. It loses steam and momentum and you stop paying attention after a while.

Super Troopers Pic

Kevin Heffernan steals the film as Farva. His exchange with the cashier at the Dimpus Burger where he demands a liter of cola is another highlight of the film. All of the cast members have their moments, but Farva is the stereotypical asshole cop, and it’s fun to hate him.

Broken Lizard has made a few other movies, like Club Dread, Beer Fest, and The Slammin’ Salmon. Super Troopers is their best and most well known flick. Beer Fest is pretty funny. Club Dread was terrible but had it’s moments, and the Slammin’ Salmon was a disappointment but better than Club Dread. Broken Lizard will never be Monty Python. If they aren’t careful, advertising their films with their name will be a deterrent to moviegoers (the M. Night Shyamalan effect).

Super Troopers is a cult classic comedy because of the first forty-five minutes or so. Then it starts to suck. There are a lot of great bits and quotable lines, and it’s got a lot of memorable parts… but it’s not a complete movie. It becomes tired and predictable and it doesn’t deserve to be listed as one of the best comedies of all time. Because it’s not. The first half is great, the second half is mediocre. I don’t know how many times I have to stress that.

Critically Rated at 11/17

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Bone (comic)

Jeff Smith’s Bone is one of the best comics of all time. It transcends being a mere comic book and is one of the best fantasy epics ever, up there with Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and Harry Potter. This needs to be pop culture, I want to geek out about it and have 30 minute conversations about Bone with complete strangers. Bone is the epic saga of three cousins trying to find their way home, and stumble into a hero’s journey complete with princesses, dragons, rat creatures, ghost circles and magic. It’s one of those immersive imaginary worlds that requires a map in the back of the book. That’s a sign of quality for literary epics. It is hysterically funny at times, but can turn dark and scary in a moment’s notice.

Fone Bone is the main character, the one that you relate to, the everyman. He’s got a good heart, likes to read Moby Dick, and tries to keep his cousin Phoney Bone out of trouble. Phoney is greedy, manipulative, and always plotting. His exploits got the three cousins kicked out of Boneville. He thinks of himself first and foremost, but genuinely cares about his cousins. Smiley Bone rounds out the trio, he is the comic relief. He is simple and acts dumber than he is, but occasionally has some brilliant ideas. So the three Bones from Boneville are forced to flee some angry townspeople and find themselves lost and separated in a mysterious Valley.

The Valley is where the bulk of the story takes place. You never actually see Boneville, but you can assume it is modern because they have books like Moby Dick, a CornDogHut, and paper currency. The Valley seems to be stuck in the past. There’s a tavern, an economy based on eggs and goods rather than money, and seems medieval. The Valley is home to a village populated by people called Barrelhaven, a few isolated farms, and talking creatures like Ted the Bug, Miz ‘Possum and her kids, and a giant mountain lion named Roque Ja who guards the Eastern Boarder.

Fone Bone gets separated from his cousins and eventually befriends and stays with Thorn Harvestar, a gorgeous, generous girl and her tough as nails grandma, who goes by Rose or Gran’ma. Not to spoil anything, but Gran’ma Rose just might be a usurped Queen with a hidden past. Fone develops a crush on Thorn, and you can’t blame him, ‘cause she’s smoking hot. And nice to him. Anyway, Smiley and Phoney Bone end up in Barrelhaven, and they meet some of the locals down there. Eventually everyone meets up again and the Bones go back home to Boneville.

But before that happens, strange things begin happening in the Valley. Dragons show up. Rat creatures show up. The king of the rat creatures shows up. The evil Lord of the Locusts shows up. Add a whole backstory of ghost circles, and the power of the Dreaming, and mysterious cults, and dragon origin stories and you have yourself an amazing fantasy epic. If you like Lord of the Rings but wish it was funnier, than this is the comic for you.

It is unlike any other comic. This is one of the few graphic novels that changes people’s minds about what a comic can do. It transcends boundaries. At the heart of the story is your basic Hero’s Quest, but Jeff Smith does what you’re supposed to and created his own unique universe. One that’s unique but familiar. It goes from funny to sad in a heartbeat. The panels create the illusion of movement and pacing. It’s almost like a movie on paper.

Go out and read this book. I think you are a decent human being and I want you to be happy. This comic will make your life a little better. You owe it to yourself to see what I’m talking about. There is a $40 book that has all 9 volumes in it. The artwork is in black and white, just a heads up. It doesn’t take anything away from it. The first few volumes have color versions, but they haven’t published the whole saga in color yet. Go read it if you haven’t, you won’t regret it.

Critically Rated at 16/17

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