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May 6, 2020 · 7:21 pm

Growing My Hair Out

One of the many new hobbies I’ve picked up during shelter in place is growing my hair out. I’ve gotten pretty good at it. It’s easy when all the barbershops and salons are closed and I don’t trust my girlfriend with sharp objects. My last haircut was probably in late November or early December because I didn’t want to look shaggy in holiday photos. I should have gotten a haircut in March before I went on vacation but I ran out of time. I came back on March 10th, had a couple days of work, and then everything shut down.

So here I am, stuck inside with ever increasing follicles. My bangs cover my eyes, some strands reach down to my nostrils. I spent over fifteen years of my life with a shaved head, now I have the luscious locks of a 90’s heartthrob. I’m not used to it. I’ve started wearing hats when I leave the house, something I never did before unless I was going to a baseball game. When I’m at home I’ll alternate between wearing a beanie, a headband, or simply running my fingers through my hair. It’s so soft. It’s like a puppy that lives on my head.

I know I can just shave my head and be done with it. But it’s become a symbol. My untamed hair represents how life has forever changed. It’s the new normal. I will only cut my hair when this is over.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as barber, barbershop, coronavirus, covid-19, growing my hair out, hair, haircut, new normal, salon

May 1, 2020 · 8:06 pm

Starting to Recognize the Neighbors

My girlfriend and I go on daily walks with our dog around the neighborhood to get fresh air during this time of quarantine. A lot of my neighbors do the same. As a result I’ve started to recognize the people living in my neighborhood. I’ve realized that I recognize them a lot faster when they are walking their dogs. A lot of our conversations sound like “Oh look babe, it’s that little chihuahua with booties” and “There’s the husky with the blue eyes.”

Some of my neighbors are recognizable without their dogs. The guy who rides a unicycle sticks out. The old lady who meticulously maintains her front yard is always happy to return a wave hello. There’s a band of brothers that roll around on Razor scooters with matching helmets. I often see a young couple doing yoga on their balcony.

I’ve always been aware of the houses that surround mine. It took a a pandemic to make me appreciate the people that occupy them. I finally feel like I live in a neighborhood. I’m waiting by the front door, anxiously hoping someone needs to borrow a cup of sugar.

Critically Rated at 14/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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April 16, 2020 · 7:52 pm

Socialize Safely

FaceTime, Zoom, and Houseparty have been amazing in this time of social isolation, but nothing is better than an actual face to face interaction. Yesterday my girlfriend and I took the dogs out for a long walk in Golden Gate Park and on a whim I texted my friend Jerry and invited him and and his girlfriend to meet us. We settled on a meeting place in a nice meadow where we used to hang out.

Jerry and Dre got to the meadow before we did, and it was great watching the dogs get super excited when they saw them sitting on the grass. Honestly I was more excited to see them than the dogs were. We said our hellos as we sat down six feet away from them, the dogs playing in between us, cracked open a few beers, and just talked for a few hours enjoying the sunshine and each other’s company.

It felt normal, great even, like a weight being lifted from my shoulders that I didn’t even know was there. We didn’t shake hands or hug or do any form of physical interaction, but it was so therapeutic to just bask in the presence of other people. It was the best day of the apocalypse so far.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

Socialize Safely

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March 31, 2020 · 1:57 pm

Quarantainment

I came up with a new word: quarantainment. It’s entertainment during quarantine. Playing cards or a board game is a form of quarantainment. So is video chatting or live streaming. Those lame videos of celebrities singing songs of hope? Also a form of quarantainment. Basically anything that keeps you entertained while being cooped up qualifies as quarantainment.

It’s a great word. Feel free to use it. Just remember you heard it from me first.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as coronavirus, covid-19, entertainment, quarantainment, quarantine, shelter in place

March 30, 2020 · 6:58 pm

The New Normal

The new normal is awful boring. I had two jobs. Now I’m cooped up at home with nothing but time and a slowly dwindling bank account. I’m lucky enough to live within walking distance to Ocean Beach and Golden Gate Park so I can escape the house and take the dogs out to enjoy nature. Taking out the dogs and going to the store are the highlights of my days now. Especially since I finished watching Tiger King.

I make sure to never leave without a bottle of hand sanitizer. I’ve gotten pretty good at not touching my face in public. I wait until I get home, thoroughly wash my hands, then rub my face. Social distancing from friends is easy (thanks to video calls). Social distancing from strangers is a little bit harder (sidewalks aren’t wide enough).

I would rather be bored than make things worse. If we have to shelter in place, so be it. Let’s be introverts for another month or two and let time slog on until this becomes a weird memory that we can all look back on together. Life goes on. We can get through this. We will. We have to.

To my friends in the restaurant industry: hang in there. Be strong.

To my friends in the healthcare industry: thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Be safe, stay healthy, and don’t get coughed on.

Critically Rated at 10/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as coronavirus, covid-19, quarantine, shelter in place, the new normal

March 20, 2020 · 6:46 pm

Covid-19

Kind of hard to have a blog and not discuss the elephant in the room: Coronavirus. Kinda hard not to be thinking about it since it took over the world. What started seemingly as a minor inconvenience has become a major disruption in life around the world. I went to Hawaii for a week in the beginning of March. I came back on the tenth to the beginning of a panic. Stores started running out of things. Work was a lot slower than usual. Then nonexistent. One job let me go and the other will be closed for three weeks or longer. I’m lucky that my rent is cheap and I have enough savings to get me through a month or two if I plan accordingly.

I’ve been doing what everyone else has been doing: taking it one day at a time. I’m trying not to freak out or panic. I don’t want this to be the new normal, but there’s a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that it might be the last time I’m out of the house for an extended period each time I run to the store. I try not to hoard but I’ll grab a canned good or some toilet paper or a household cleaner each time I’m out. Makes me feel like I’m doing something.

Netflix, HBO, Hulu, Disney+, and YouTube definitely help pass the time. I have a few books I want to read. We just bought a weed whacker so I foresee yard work in my future. Maybe I’ll teach my girlfriend how to finally play cribbage. In the mean time I’m trying to stay sane and healthy and not think about the inevitable zombies that come next.

People are dying, people are suffering, people are hurting, people are scared. I’m ok. I can’t complain so I won’t complain. It’s a crazy time for all of us. I’m glad we are in it together. Be happy, be safe, don’t get coughed on.

And holy shit, Jeff Bezos is going to make so much money off this apocalypse.

Critically Rated at 2/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as apocalypse, coronavirus, covid-19, crazy, quarantine, sick

February 29, 2020 · 5:35 pm

Leap Day 2020

Today is February 29th, 2020. It is the Leap Day of the Leap Year. I feel like we have to acknowledge that because it doesn’t happen everyday. Once every four years or so by my calculations.

This is the first Leap Day with the coronavirus, so it’s extra special. It might be the last one with the coronavirus for better or worse. I hope everyone does something that they don’t normally do in honor of the occasion. Carpe diem and all that.

Today I made spare copies of my house key. I upgraded some of them into bottle openers. That’s a thing now. YOLO.

Critically Rated at 12/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as leap day, leap year

February 15, 2020 · 4:26 pm

Dry February 2020

Last February I decided to forgo alcohol. Why? Because it’s the shortest month of course. Just four quick weeks and it’s over. Dry February 2019 was a rousing success and I decided to do a dry February for 2020. I had an exception: I would drink if the 49ers won the Super Bowl, and if they lost I would drink on the 29th because it’s a Leap Day and those are worth celebrating. Well the 49ers lost, so I’m eagerly awaiting the 29th to get back off the wagon. I think that’s how it goes… you’re off the wagon if you’re drinking and you’re on the wagon if you aren’t drinking. Right? I don’t know much about wagons.

Anyway, today is February 15th so I’m already past the halfway point. So far so good. I’m pretty much in the clear. The first two nights are the worst. I had major insomnia and sleep was hard to get. I mostly tossed and turned. I wouldn’t have survived if I didn’t have some good indica. Hey, I said a dry February, not a sober February. Get over it.

Not drinking gives me a lot more time in the day. I’ve mostly used it by catching up on Netflix, Disney+, and HBO. Not very productive of me, but it passes the time. The weather has been hit or miss, but I’ll take the dogs to the beach and the park when I can. I’ve been avoiding bars and parties which definitely helps eliminate temptation and saves me money. I went to the Heat vs Warriors game at the new Chase Center in downtown San Francisco. I didn’t get any beer but still managed to spend forty-five bucks on food and soda. The game was a blowout and the Warriors got crushed but it was still a fun night.

With two weeks down and less than two weeks remaining, I’m looking forward to March and my triumphant return to the wonderful world of booze. But I don’t plan on indulging as much as I did before. I’ll probably copy my friend’s approach to moderation. She gives herself three days of drinking then takes three days off. That sounds like the perfect balance to me. And if I stick to that plan there won’t be a need for Dry February 2021.

Critically Rated at 16/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as alcohol, beer, booze, drinking, dry February, sober, sobriety

January 25, 2020 · 4:57 pm

Life Below Zero

I’ve had Disney+ for a few months now and I’ve gotten pretty good at it. People ask me what’s worth watching. I’ll tell them the forgotten movies and hidden gems that they should check out. There’s a lot of buzz about Marvel, Pixar, Star Wars and stuff out of Disney’s vault, but not enough attention is paid to their National Geographic section, which is home to The World According to Jeff Goldblum and Free Solo. But the best show I’ve discovered so far is Life Below Zero.

Life Below Zero is a television documentary series about people living in remote areas of Alaska. The show follows their struggles and triumphs as they try to survive the extreme conditions of the Arctic Circle. When the closest store is hundreds of miles away, you have to rely on yourself to get food and water, to fix things that break, to maintain your shelter, all while dealing with deadly weather and dangerous animals trying to eat you.

It’s a great background show. You don’t have to pay too much attention to it. There’s no ongoing plot. You put it on, play around with your phone, and only glance up when something interesting is going on. I used to want to move to Alaska. It’s the last frontier. I went to Anchorage for three weeks in 2014 and I learned that I could never live there full time. But I respect everyone who does because it’s a tough place to live. Now I can live there vicariously through Life Below Zero. Watching other people living their life makes me feel more alive for some reason.

There are a lot of cool and interesting people on the show, but Glenn Villeneuve is by far the best. I can’t talk about the show and not mention him by name. He lives alone and doesn’t rely on any machinery. He doesn’t have a snowmobile or electricity. The most advanced technology he has are guns and hand tools. He truly lives off the land and it’s inspiring to see. He’s a badass and it’s too bad that he’s not in every episode.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as alaska, Arctic Circle, disney, Glenn Villeneuve, Life Below Zero, national geographic, survival

January 23, 2020 · 5:14 pm

Panhandling on the Bus

I was on Muni (San Francisco’s public transportation system) the other day and a homeless guy got on and started begging for money. He had a whole spiel about how he was down on his luck and needed enough money to buy a breakfast sandwich and maybe a small coffee. His delivery was monotonous and robotic, you could tell that he used his speech all the time. He had it down pat.

All I could think was that he was begging the wrong crowd of people. We are all schlubs on the bus with him. Why are you asking me for money? My broke ass is taking the bus for a reason. Go ask the guy driving the Tesla to work. He’s the one with extra money.

Critically Rated at 7/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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January 10, 2020 · 4:57 pm

Jason Moore

Let me preface this story by reminding everyone that I’ve been in the service industry for more than fourteen years. I’ve heard a lot of interesting requests. A few days ago I had a customer ask me for drink I’ve never heard of before. She asked me for a glass that was half Sprite and half lemonade. She apologized for not remembering the name of the drink. I told her I don’t think there is a name for it. She insisted that there was.

We mentioned the usual suspects. Arnold Palmer: half iced tea, half lemonade. Shirley Temple: Sprite with grenadine. Roy Rogers: Coke with grenadine. John Daly: an Arnold Palmer with vodka. It wasn’t any of those. I went ahead and made her the half Sprite half lemonade and dropped it off. Then I pulled out my phone and googled “Half Sprite half lemonade” because curiosity is a bitch.

I scrolled down for a bit until I found a single post with that recipe. It said that a half Sprite half lemonade was known as a Jason Moore and that the name originated in Arizona. The post had zero votes and zero credibility. But I mentioned the name to her and she said it was right.

I asked all my other coworkers if they have ever heard of a Jason Moore. Nobody had any idea what I was talking about. I asked a few coworkers at my other restaurant if they had heard of it. They were also blissfully unaware of Jason Moores.

I did more research and saw that it’s a known drink on UrbanDictionary.com and it only has one post describing it. It was posted in September of 2016 and it only has four likes and one dislike. The one dislike was from me, so there really isn’t much online presence for this so-called mocktail. I’m contributing to its online presence with this blog post right now.

I never knew about the Jason Moore drink. I don’t know who it’s named after. Well, it’s obviously named after Jason Moore… but who the fuck is Jason Moore? Anyone in Arizona have any ideas? Is he the mayor of a small town? Maybe a bored bartender with one moderately successful creation? The world demands answers.

By the way, I made my own Jason Moore to see what all the fuss is about. It’s meh. I’d rather have an Arnold Palmer. Who am I kidding? Make it a John Daly.

Critically Rated at 8/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as cocktail, half Sprite half lemonade, Jason Moore, lemon-lime soda, lemonade, mocktail, sprite

January 4, 2020 · 3:56 pm

Natural Light Seltzer

It’s 2020 and we live in a world of hard seltzers. Brands like White Claw, Truly, Spiked Seltzer, Smirnoff Spiked Sparkling Seltzer, Henry’s Hard Sparkling Water, and Wild Basin Boozy Sparking Water are flying off the shelves. It’s a crowded marketplace and more brands are throwing their hat in the ring.

Natural Light decided that they wanted to play too. They came up with Natural Light Seltzer. I was reluctant to try it. Natural Light isn’t a brand known for high quality. It’s for college kids and amateurs. But Natural Light Seltzer has a few good things going for it. Number one: it’s cheaper than the other brands. Number two: it’s got a higher alcohol percentage. It’s 6% ABV, most of the other seltzers are 4.5% or 5% ABV. Cheaper and stronger? Yes please. The third good thing about it: they have great names.

There’s Aloha Peaches (described as When Mango & Peach Go Beach Mode) and Catalina Lime Mixer (described as When Cherry & Lime Become Best Friends). I always enjoy a nice Step Brothers reference. I like both the flavors but I prefer the Catalina Lime Mixer. Aloha Peaches is a little too sweet for me.

I will always prefer beer over hard seltzers, but I find myself drinking more seltzers and fewer beers these days. My local 7-Eleven has a deal on two 25 ounce cans for $5.10. That’s fifty ounces of booze for under six bucks. That’s a hell of a deal, especially for San Francisco. Can’t go wrong with that. Unless you’re driving.

Try it. Or don’t. I don’t care. You do you.

Critically Rated at 13/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as Aloha Peaches, beer, Catalina Lime Mixer, hard seltzer, Natural Light, Natural Light Seltzer

December 30, 2019 · 4:45 pm

Watchmen (HBO Series)

Watchmen is an HBO live action series based on the iconic graphic novel created by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. It takes place in an alternate world where superheroes are real and cellphones don’t exist. It is brought to the silver screen by Damon Lindelof, the same guy who co-created Lost and The Leftovers. He knows how to tell an exciting and intriguing story with amazing characters. It’s HBO’s best new show of 2019 for a reason.

I had a bit of a head start when it came to watching the Watchmen (see what I did there?), because I own the comic and the Zack Snyder film adaption, so I’m quite familiar with most of the characters and the world they inhabit. Lindelof gives the show a twist by making it take place thirty-four years after the events of the comic. Some original characters return, some are missing, and there are new characters to learn about. Regina King leads a stellar cast that also includes Jeremy Irons, Tim Blake Nelson, Louis Gossett Jr., Don Johnson, Jean Smart, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, and Hong Chau just to name a few.

The first season consists of nine episodes, each one running about an hour. It’s meant to be a complete story so it ends with a satisfying conclusion. They still set it up for a potential second season, but this season could be all we get from Lindelof and I’m ok with that. There’s nothing wrong with perfection.

As usual, I will refrain from talking about the plot. It takes a few episodes to get going. There are a lot of characters to introduce and it takes time to discover who they are and what they want. It’s nonlinear with lots of flashbacks and reveals. I was intrigued by the show before it aired and I tried to hype it up to my girlfriend, but she didn’t read the comic and wasn’t impressed with Snyder’s film version, and I ultimately watched the whole show without her. When I finished I wanted to watch it again, this time with her. It was too good not to share.

I made her watch the first episode last week. Then Christmas chaos rolled around and we were too busy to watch anything. We were finally free last night and we binged three episodes in a row. It didn’t matter that she didn’t ever read the comic. That shows how great the show really is. When we watch it, we actually watch it. Like our phones are turned off and we pay attention to the television screen and nothing else. It’s not just for comic book nerds, it’s for anybody who likes action, mysteries, villainous plots, philosophy, alternate histories, and blue wieners.

Who watches the Watchmen? People with good taste. Like me. You should have good taste too. Watch the Watchmen. And spread the word. Everyone deserves to have blue wieners in their life.

Critically Rated at 17/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as alan moore, Angela King, comic book, Damon Lindelof, Dave Gibbons, Don Johnson, graphic novel, hbo, Jean Smart, jeremy irons, Louis Gossett Jr., series, Tim Blake Nelson, watchmen, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II

December 14, 2019 · 4:11 pm

A Pen He Saved…

I couldn’t think of anything to write about, so I opened my Notes app on my phone and went looking for ideas. I found one. It’s the story of my friend from work. He’s a server too and I noticed that he had an apron full of pens, with each pen being a different type and brand. I asked him why they were all different. He told me that he never buys pens. He takes the one that he finds and adds them to his collection. He rescues them and makes them his own. Smart guy. I guess that’s why they say a pen he saved is a pen he earned.

I crack myself up.

Critically Rated at 15/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as a pen he saved is a pen he earned, pen, pun

December 13, 2019 · 4:28 pm

Taking Your Shirt Off at the Barber Shop

I had to get a much needed haircut yesterday. I went to the local barber shop and there were a few people waiting in line before me. One of them was a local guy that I’ve seen around the neighborhood, and we started making small talk. He seemed like a pretty normal dude. Then it was his turn for his haircut. He got up, approached the chair, took off his shirt, and sat down. The barber didn’t say anything, she didn’t even blink. It was clear that he was a regular and this was his routine.

It was bizarre. I’ve never seen anyone strip down at the barber before. I get that trimmed hair gets itchy when it falls into your shirt, but you’re supposed to bear with it until you can take a shower. Showing off your nipples and back hair seems a little excessive. I’ve seen a lot of weird things in the city. Taking your shirt off at the barber shop is on the list now.

Critically Rated at 5/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as barber, haircut, taking your shirt off at the barber shop

December 12, 2019 · 4:21 pm

Laura Linney’s Boobs in Love Actually

The holidays are here once again, and that means my girlfriend wants to watch Love Actually everyday. She put it on the other day and she started watching it with our roommate. She kept trying to get me to watch it with them, but I’ve seen it before and didn’t want to suffer through it again. At one point in the movie, Laura Linney takes off her shirt and has a brief nude scene. My girlfriend mentioned that Laura Linney’s boobs were on screen thinking that would entice me to watch it.

It definitely did not. I think I can speak for all straight males when I say that Laura Linney’s boobs are not a selling point. They do nothing to attract an audience. It’s a big waste of a nude scene. Especially when other cast members include Keira Knightly, January Jones, Elisha Cuthbert, Claudia Schiffer, Denise Richards, and Shannon Elizabeth. But somehow they thought we wanted to see Laura Linney’s boobs? I don’t get it. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go watch American Pie. Or maybe Wild Things. They have nude scenes that sell a movie.

Critically Rated at 4/17

Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young

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Tagged as boobs, laura linney, Love Actually, nude scene, nudity