Don’t talk with your mouth full. “But why not?” you ask, with food dribbling down the side of your face. Because it’s gross and because you’re not a fucking five-year-old. I don’t want to hear you chewing and chomping and smacking your lips as we make idle conversation. And I don’t appreciate the specks of your chewed food splattering on my face. It’s bad enough I have to listen to you talk, but this is really pushing it. Chew with your mouth closed. It’s common sense and it’s common courtesy. You should masturbate behind a closed door, and you should masticate behind a closed mouth. Nobody wants to see what’s going on in there. Close your mouth, swallow your food, and then you can join the conversation.
Critically Rated at 4/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young