The other day I was super hungover and was stuck next to a guy with rancid breath on the subway. I was already nauseous, but his breath was enough to make me puke. It took all my willpower to suppress the urge to yak all over the place. Luckily he got off after a few stops, another couple of minutes would have resulted in a disaster. Sometimes you are forced to sit next to someone with bad breath. And it sucks, because there is no polite way to tell them that it smells like they have a fermenting rotten tooth in their mouth. Sitting next to someone with bad breath is an art form. You have to act engaged in the conversation while constantly maneuvering to avoid getting a whiff of halitosis. They move in, you move back; they move away, and you reestablish your territory. It almost becomes a dance. You move and respond instinctively. Action, reaction. They invented breath mints for a reason. It’s too bad some people didn’t get the memo.
Critically Rated at 6/17
Written, Rated, and Reviewed by Brendan H. Young